Husband's (35M) friend (33M) is dating a teen (19F). I (32F) don't know how to navigate my discomfort.

This is about Brian, who was best man in my wedding. He's a good looking guy, but Brian has always had terrible taste in women. It's crazy because he is the flirtiest guy I have ever met. It's been nearly 10 years that I've known him and he has yet to date someone who my husband or I actually like. We often double date with him and his long string of women I would never have otherwise interacted with. I don't generally enjoy it, but do it out of love for the guys. When we go out, they tend to talk to each other about their shared interests, leaving it up to me to entertain the other woman. I've voiced my displeasure in the past but it doesn't get better for long.

Since I met Brian, he has:

• beat cancer, twice
• beat an addiction to meth
• survived a heroin overdose
• had his father commit suicide
• started running ultramarathons

He's been through a lot and has a lot of baggage. He likes to play it off, but my husband and I frequently worry about what will happen when Brian breaks his leg/twists his ankle running. Can he safely take opioid pain killers? We don't even know.

Remember how I called him flirty? The night of my rehearsal dinner, he told me he was going to make out with my mom, who is very happily married to my dad. At the time, I was drunk enough to disregard it, but it's always been one of the weirdest things that happened at my wedding... I feel like it is indicative of his poor decision making. Like who does that???

So fast forward to now, Brian has beat cancer and dated several train wrecks. One of whom was 20 and cheated on him repeatedly while he was in chemo. That was fun to help him get over... These days, he is doing very well and getting quite a following on Instagram because of his running. He talks about reaching out to women all the time on Instagram. How he doesn't use tinder anymore. We joke that he's just another insta-wh*re. I swear, everytime I saw him he was talking about another running girl.

I threw a New Year's party this year. At the party, Brian and my best friend ended up having sex. They're adults and I told her about his Instagram habits. A month ago, he hit her up via Instagram and they dated for a bit. She said she could tell he was dating a lot of people because he kept repeating himself and kept mistaking facts about someone else for her. No hard feelings but she was quick to move on.

Over the weekend, Brian told my husband that he is semi seriously dating a 19 year old. He has met her parents. Brian told all this to my husband while I was out of the room. My husband told me on the drive home.

My issues are

1. Brian knows what he is doing isn't okay or he would have proudly talked about it in my presence like he has every other girl. Instead he whispered in secret.

2. I hope there isn't a 19 year old alive who is mature enough to deal with Brian's baggage so even if he picked the most mature 19 year old, I doubt she can be the support he needs. But Brian is absolutely terrible at picking women so it's pretty much guaranteed that he is going to expect too much from her.

3. He was dating my friend just a month ago. It is possible to respectfully date a much younger person but if he has already met her parents in this short window, he isn't doing that. Or there is significant over lap, in which case, he's doing that wrong too. He's such a flirty guy and I have watched him send girls incredibly mixed signals.

4. I dated an older guy when I was a teen. I didn't realize at the time how messed up it was. In retrospect, there were so many little things that I would never put up with now that I was okay with because a guy with a real job and money was into me. I didn't realize how powerless I was in that relationship for many years.

My first reaction was to refuse to meet the girl. But I posted on another subreddit and realized that that wasn't sending the message I wanted to send. So I have asked not to see Brian for a while.

Unfortunately, my husband's birthday is coming up. My refusal to see Brian means my husband doesn't want the party we'd been planning ("what's the point if my best friend is banished from my home"). We are doing other things already but the cancelation of the party has led to a big fight.

My husband says that Brian isn't doing anything illegal and I'm treating him like a murderer. I say the Brian is doing something morally repugnant and I want no part in it and I will not be able to keep civil in his presence. I have stood by Brian as he moved from woman to woman. There have been times where I have felt like a bad feminist for it. But this is where I draw the line. She is a teenager, 14 years his junior. I can't sit by. I consider this predatory behavior. I am disturbed by it.

My husband said repeatedly that he wished he hadn't told me. I said that I would consider that a massive lie of omission that would seriously damage my trust in him. He was shocked that I feel that way. He asked if he can see Brian and I said I won't stop him

My faith in Brian is shook to the core. I don't know where to go from here. I don't feel like he owes me anything like an apology, but I feel like I need to forgive him for something and I can't do that yet. I don't feel so strongly about my husband but I am pretty disappointed in him. The fact that he thought not telling me would have been a better option...

But there is a voice telling me that they are adults and I'm making a mountain of a mole hill. So please am I over reacting? What should I do next?

Tldr: My husband's best friend is a flirt with poor taste in women. He's dating a 19 year old and I don't want to see him. My husband and I are conflicted.

Submitted February 26, 2019 at 06:04PM by pizzamartini https://ift.tt/2tByj5Y