I (24F) want to propose to GF (24F) at the end of the year. She's 100% on board and I'm excited, but how do I get over my (likely needless) fear of other people's opinions on the matter?

First post here, please be gentle lol. TL;DR at bottom.

My partner, who I'll call Z, and I have an amazing, loving, fun relationship, and I have no doubt in my mind that I want to marry her. Z and I have been together for 1.5 years and get along fantastically; we share a lot of interests, enjoy a great amount of time both together and separately, get along well with each other's friends, and my family loves her and seems to accept her as one of their own (she even celebrated Christmas with us this year, which was a cross-country trip, and she's attending my brother's college graduation with us out of state in May). We do have the occasional disagreement as any couple would, but we always resolve it. We communicate quite well generally, and have talked about all the important future things--future kids (or lack thereof) and when to have them/how to raise them, finances, career goals, religion, where to live, even future pets, etc.-- and are well aligned on all these things. No one else makes me happier or ever has (and this is also neither of our first relationships; I had a past relationship of 2+ years which ended over a year before I even met Z), and I'm sure I want to spend the rest of my life with Z. And yes, Z and I have talked about it, we both feel the same way, and we have discussed a proposal timeline (as per my title, at least 9 months but probably more than 12). We are officially moving in together in June and would do sooner if leases allow; we wanted to start co-habitation last June but decided it was too early and it would benefit our relationship to spend another year with separate apartments (which has gone well even though we sleep together most nights we are happy with this decision). If it's relevant, we were also both raised in religious families and marriage is important to us both spiritually and socially. We do not live together but spend most nights together, already do chores and generally live as if we do.

Here's where the issue (?) comes in: despite overwhelming support of our relationship from friends and my family (Z's family does not approve because I am a woman and not of the religion that she was raised in-- and no longer follows for reasons unrelated to our relationship-- but that's a whole other story) and me soon to be in a good place to propose to Z (will be finishing graduate school this spring and securing a job in a decently high-earning field after being a student my whole life). I'm wanting to propose in mid December, at which time we'll have been dating for 27 months. Plenty of time in my opinion. If it's relevant, I'm 100% good with a long engagement and/or just a small civil ceremony, as is Z, this isn't really about having a wedding for either of us. I'll be 25 by the time I want to propose and working a full time career/financially independent, we will have lived together for 6 months (important to both of us), we want to move abroad together in late 2020 or early 2021 (something we are both passionate about, have talked logistics about a lot, and are taking actions to begin to set this plan in motion) and although it's NOT AT ALL why we want to get married, being married might help with the whole going abroad together process. Everything makes sense to me, we're on the same page, and I know I am ready...so why am I so nervous to tell people, especially my family (some extended family are also maybe not going to be ok with me marrying a woman, though Z has never been kept a secret)?

Mostly, I think it's because I'm worried that people will think we're rushing into this, even though logically I know I'm not; I'd wait forever for Z if necessary and would be with her even if she didn't want to get married, it just seems like a great time and I'm excited to be able to call her my fiancee and then wife, and I know we've had all the necessary conversations. However, I've heard so many conversations in my life about people being too young or engaging too soon and have seen the disastrous consequences of rushing into marriage...I'm rambling. I don't think being engaged at 25 and married at 26-27 is too young, personally, especially with a couple years' dating under our belt, and I don't have any reason to suspect I'll get negative feedback either. But the more I think about December as a timeline, the more I'm worried I'll get a negative reaction from people for doing so (even though it is 100% what both Z and I want).

So, Reddit, how do I get out of my head, knowing that this is what I want and that Z is the person for me, and commit to myself and what we've talked about? Any advice on how I trust in what I want and knowing what is best for me? I've always been a bit of a people pleaser and have lived my life by what other people think I should be doing; how to get myself to trust my own instincts on this plan and my relationship with Z?

TL;DR: I want to propose to my girlfriend of 1.5 years, Z, in December and am confident in my choice of doing so. Z is in the know and 100% on board. How do I get past the fear of others disapproving of my choice?

Submitted February 26, 2019 at 01:02PM by gqtie https://ift.tt/2GNgd9F