Hi guys. I'm turning here for some opinions on a lifelong problem of mine. How to summarize this... Essentially, I feel like I'm always made out to be the laughingstock or the preferred target of the given group of people I find myself in. I'm trying to understand why this is.
Some relevant info on me: I'm 22(m) and yes, I'm socially awkward and have some anxiety issues. I honestly can't remember the time I wasn't like this. When I was just a kid, my mom used to hide my books and comics to make me play with other children. I preferred my safe bubble to the real world, which in turn made me introverted, or maybe it was the other way around. Anyhow, I got picked on like hell throughout all of my education. The other kids somehow figured out I was gay long before I did, and I got major flack for it. The bullying was first physical, then got verbal. I got labelled as that "weird" kid and barely had any close friends by graduation.
I thought in university, things would change. That's what everyone says, right? Well... They didn't exactly. I mean, people weren't that narrow-minded anymore. I forced myself to mingle and made some new friends. But because of my lack of social skills, I became the butt of a joke in every circle I would hang out in. People spoke over me, laughed off my opinions, wouldn't let me finish if I took too long to articulate my thoughts. They also often openly pointed out how I talked in a weird way or couldn't look people in the eyes. I became withdrawn and felt pathetic like it was high school all over again.
Eventually, I stopped hanging out with these classmates because of how they were treating me. I met 22(f), who became my best friend. She was much nicer and more understanding. We're different people when it comes to our personalities, but I feel like we also complement each other. However, since getting a boyfriend, her demeanor towards me has changed when hanging out between the three of us. She and her boyfriend basically team up and make jabs at my expense. Nothing major, but for example, they've made fun of my indecision and played pranks to see if I would say "no" when insulted or asked to do something unfair. I don't understand why they have to do that... Does my presence invite mockery? Does every dynamic between multiple people require a laughingstock, so I become that by default?
I see the same thing happening now at my first internship. The people in my division are mostly my age. They've made friends between each other, and although I've been kind and sociable towards them, one of the girls singled me out... And others basically follow her lead when she takes digs at me, which usually include weird nicknames, "harmless" jokes at the expense of my sexuality, or just making fun of me when I take too long to answer or express an opinion different to theirs.
I'm concerned about this pattern. Do I just happen to keep encountering bullies in my life, or am I somehow inviting verbal berating? I'm not antagonistic towards people. I always approach strangers in a friendly way, even though I may not be the best converser. However, I believe my boyfriend is the only person in my life who's never insulted me or acted superior to me.
I'm worried and I'd like others' opinions on how it can be that people are still singling me out. Or maybe hear about someone else's practical experience with this.
tl;dr: I was bullied in school, and it seems like not much has changed since I've been in college. I'm wondering why this keeps happening to me and how I can avoid it?
Submitted February 27, 2019 at 11:26AM by whyamithejoke https://ift.tt/2Ek1tv7
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