My (24f) boyfriend (30m) of 4 years and I got into a bizarre argument about who drank all the milk, and told me never to disagree with him in front of a guest (which happened in front of a friend).

My boyfriend and I had the weirdest and most awkward, at least on my end, argument in our entire relationship. I'm not really sure where to go from here, and I've felt uncomfortable all through the weekend.

This past Friday night a mutual friend who lives in the same apartment complex as we do stopped by our place to hang out and play some card games. This friend mentioned that he had recently gone to the abc store and had vodka and kahlua in his car, and if we had milk we could make white Russians. I was positive we had milk because I had recently bought a gallon a few days prior and didn't think it would be empty. My boyfriend drinks a lot more milk than I do, and I typically only use a little for cereal in the morning. The last time I had grabbed the milk it had a little less than half in it. Our mutual friend came back inside with the liquor, and I went to grab a few glasses and then grab the milk. When I grabbed the gallon of milk from the back of the fridge, I was surprised that it was practically empty, there was probably less than a quarter cup left in the container. At this point my boyfriend got mad, and blamed me for drinking all of the milk. I denied it and told him I only used that milk a few times for cereal, and the last time I had my hands on it, it was around half full/empty, so he must have drank more than he remembered. He got even more angry, our friend started to get a little uncomfortable and said he didn't mind walking over to the convenient store across the street to grab some. Our friend left briefly, and while he was gone my boyfriend got extremely angry about the situation. He was yelling at me to never disagree with him in front of a guest again. He kept saying that I was the reason we were out of milk and that I drank it all. I tried to explain to him again that I drink very little milk, and he knows this, he enjoys drinking it by itself more than I do. It was more likely he finished it, and ultimately it didn't matter because we live close to both a grocery store and convenient store anyway. Our guest returned from the store, and I went to make the drinks. Things seemed calm for a bit. Then there was another mention about the missing milk from my boyfriend. I could see our guest started to feel a little awkward again, and I tried to joke by saying "ha, maybe the cat drank it all!?" This seemed to set my boyfriend off again, and exclaimed again, this time in front of our friend - that I should never disagree with him in front of a guest and to admit that I drank all the milk. At this point I just wanted to move past the damn milk conversation because it was so god damn stupid. So, he wanted me to admit that I drank it all and to apologize to our guest. I thought we could just move on with our lives if we did this. So, fine, I admitted (lied) that I drank all the milk and was sorry. Boyfriend seemed happy enough and we went on to play cards and it was mostly normal. Except for a 'joke' about the empty milk container every 20-30 min from him while we were playing. I didn't want to set him off again with a guest, so I just went with it. It sucked, I felt like shit and I could tell it was making our guest feel uncomfortable and awkward. I also got the impression our mutual friend wanted to stay longer and didn't just leave because he seemed genuinely worried about me.

We have had more arguments than usual lately, but they were at least about sensical things like utility bills and chores. For example, I make more than my boyfriend, so when we moved in together we agreed that we would split the rent 50/50, but I would take on the additional cost of the utility bills and buy most of the groceries. However, over the fall/winter I've been arguing with him about his use of the heating and AC. We live in the south, and the temperatures fluctuate a lot here, even in the winter. It's not unusual for one week to be in the 70s, and then next week be in 30s/40s during seasonal transition times. This means that our AC and heating use can be weird. My boyfriend has been changing the thermostat to unreasonable levels and also keeping the heat or ac on at these extreme levels when no one is home. When he's cold he'll turn up the heat to 75-77, which is crazy hot to me even when it's snowing outside. When it starts to warm up, he'll change the thermostat to something like 63-65, which again, I think is crazy. It feels like the arctic when the AC is that low. I end up either freezing my ass off, or sweating profusely in my home since he's been controlling the thermostat. I've asked him to help me pay the increase cost in the bill each month, but he always just brings up that we agreed I would pay for it all. I've tried to get him to change his habits, he claims he'll do better but never does. I've tried to get him to turn the ac or heat at a normal level when no one is home, and he doesn't do that either.

The other topic we argue about is usually chores and cleanliness. While neither of us have ever been neat freaks, our apartment has never been what I would consider to be filthy until recently. He has started to leave half empty food containers around the apartment. I'll find a bag of fast food that still has some burger and fries in it under a table. Sometimes these bags of food have definitely been sitting there for over a day before I find them. I'll also frequently find patches of dried food or condiment smeared on some surface, it will be dried and sometimes really hard to clean. Most recently, he had spilled a stout beer on the kitchen counter. The beer had dried on the kitchen counter, to the point where it was no longer liquid but instead a really sticky goo-like mess that took a decent amount of elbow grease and soap to clean. I'll ask him to the clean this up when I see it, but he always says "I'll get it in a min" or "I'll do it after this show/save point/etc." But he never does, and I don't want the apartment crawling with bugs so I have to do it. I know some commenters may suggest I leave the mess until he cleans it up, but unfortunately I can't really let that happen. I have a mild allergic reaction to cockroaches that triggers my asthma as well as nasal issues. It's always been important to me to ensure there is no loose food in the house and everything is sealed up tight. Boyfriend is well aware of my asthma and allergies, and what triggers them.

Anyway, I'm not really sure how to handle this new argument. At least arguing about the thermostat and cleaning, makes sense and it's been more frustrating and hasn't gotten totally overwhelming yet. However, the argument about milk... it's too bizarre. I've tried to lightly bring it up, I told him it wasn't cool for him to say something like "don't ever disagree with me in front of a guest" and that it was demeaning and embarrassing, as well as made our friend extremely uncomfortable. And he's only doubled down and blames me for the milk incident.

Do I just let this go? Or is this too weird and f'ed up to look the other way? Or does this milk argument have something to do with the other things we have been arguing about recently? I'm not sure what to think and would like to hear ides of possible resolutions.

tl;dr : Boyfriend and I got into a weird argument about who drink the last of the milk in front of a friend. Boyfriend eventually said I should never disagree with him in front of a guest. Guest felt awkward. After we got new milk from the store, boyfriend kept bringing up the milk incident which made me feel weird and embarrassed. Previous to this argument, we had an uptick in normal arguments about chores and bills.

Submitted February 28, 2019 at 09:01AM by throwawaymilkargmnt https://ift.tt/2H68seo