This is going to be very long but please try to go through it all if you can. TLDR at the end but there’s a lot to it. My brother is about 10 years younger than me and I basically raised him due to both parents working. When I was 19 and he was 8, our parents got a nasty divorce. He had the worst end of the stick since he was having to live with them, I had moved out already. My parents did not and still don’t make the separation easy; they constantly are bickering about what the other one is doing.
My dad remarried a couple of years later and my mom is still single. My dads wife is very nice but came from a rough background. She has been clean of meth for around 10 years (we’ve known her for 6 of those). She and her ex husband have 3 children together, F17, M16, F12. My brother went from having a normal family, to going between single parents, to having 3 new siblings to live with within a matter of a year. This obviously takes a toll. My dads wife went to prison for something that happened before we knew her (it was long and drawn out so she plead guilty just to get the time over with). She went to prison for 2.5 years and recently got out last year. During those 2.5 years, my dad took care of the other 3 kids. He spoiled them because they had a rough raising. He never disciplined them and my brother suffered from getting the least attention because he “hadn’t been through what they had.” During those 2.5 years, the oldest and middle got into drugs a lot. Their dad was on meth still and provided them with pills. Their dad frequently threatened my dad and said he’d put a bullet through my dad’s head. Cops were called, nothing came of it. Then their dad committed suicide ~1.5 years ago. Around this time I had moved to another state with my husband and baby so I honestly don’t know how everything was going at home.
I talk to my brother via text every day. He never says what’s going on, but if he were to talk to anyone about anything it’s always been me. That’s just how our relationship is. He sends me his school grades when he gets them, he tells me about his interests, his friends etc. Since the divorce, my brother has had ‘tics’ that I’ve been telling my parents they need to take him to a professional about since it started. It has yet to happen. I talked to them more about it this past Christmas and they agreed it needed to happen (it was worse around Christmas than it has been) lately. It never happened. It’s very obvious he has been suffering from the divorce and his body is reacting this way.
Last year, he got suspended because he got in a fight with another boy that was bullying him over the tics. The other boy threw the first punch, my brother hit back & drew blood. Nothing really happened after the suspension. But today, I get a call from my mom. The boy that he had fought with’s mom called her to let her know that my brother has been bullying the boy. The boys mom is going through cancer treatments and my brother told him he hopes his mom dies from cancer. This hurts me because our mom is a breast cancer survivor. My brother has also been pouring drinks in this kids food and apparently hitting the kid in the balls. My mom knowing that he won’t talk about it with anyone but me, wants me to talk to him about it and see what’s going on. I told her she needs to call my dad and let him know what’s going on and they need to find a psychology/psychiatrist and that it actually NEEDS to happen now.
My main question is how do I approach this conversation with my brother? How do I remain calm and ask things in a way that aren’t condemning? He’s going through all this stuff BUT it’s NO excuse for bullying. If that boy were to take his life because of my brothers words, that lasts forever. His words have already done damage. I’m still states away so I am calling him tonight.
TLDR: parents got divorced 5 years ago, they talk awful about each other. Dad remarried and gave no attention to little brother, brother dealt w/ new siblings who had drug issues. Got bullied at school last year by a kid, fought, got suspended and now he’s bullying the kid and saying he hopes the kids mom dies of the cancer (that she has) among other things. I’m the only one he will talk to about stuff, how do I approach this in a phone call?
Update: He says he did all that stuff because the kid was picking on him again. I let him know that doesn’t make it okay and asked him about the cancer comment. He swore to me up and down that he never said that and wouldn’t because of our mom. I believe him, especially since he admitted to everything else. This is the only kid my brother has ever had an issue with and the other kid has issues with other kids, too according to the mom. So it seems he’s the common denominator not my brother. Nonetheless I still told him His behavior is not okay & to avoid the kid at all cost. I explained the kid is going through a lot at home and doesn’t know how to direct his emotions and that nothing good will come out of the situation if he picks on the kid back so he said he won’t be around the kid anymore. Hoping that’s the end of it since they don’t have classes together. Discussing therapy still, he wants to try it.
Submitted February 27, 2019 at 11:02AM by sweesnaw https://ift.tt/2C7xCWP
No comments:
Post a Comment