How should I (27/F) have a "What are we" talk with a guy (25/m) ive been dating who recently moved away?

Ok, so this is a bit of a long and convoluted story, so I apologize for that. Basically, at the end of 2017, I started hanging out with a co-worker a lot after I had broken up with my boyfriend. We had a great sexual chemistry, he is hilarious and smart, and I felt like we were hitting it off. After a few months, I asked him if he would consider us to be dating or not. He was the only person I had been with since I had broken up with my boyfriend, and he never mentioned any other girls, so I felt like we were somewhat exclusive. With that said, he was never very affectionate with me, but I thought maybe that was just him. He said he saw no need to put any labels on our situation, which felt a little like a red flag to me, but I was having fun with him so I continued to see him. Sometimes our friends would ask us if we were in a relationship, and he'd say the same thing to them that he said to me, no labels, etc.

I tried talking to him about this a few times and he would always say that his future was up in the air and he couldn't plan it, which I thought was fair. There were a couple of times where we had some really awkward interactions. Twice, when I thought the time was right, I told him I loved him and he replied that he had never told anyone outside of his family that he loved them, and it felt wrong for him to say it. I accepted that and told him I'd wait if that's what it took. He moved quite far away at the end of 2018 but would call me weekly and tell me about his life and tell me that he missed me.

Meanwhile, I was home and still clueless on our relationship status. I defaulted to saying that he was sort of my boyfriend, and at any rate, I planned to be loyal to him. He came home for new year's and we spent a ton of time together. I felt justified in how I had handled things while he was gone, because he was so sweet and affectionate while he was visiting. We spent new years Eve together and I told him I wanted to spend next new years Eve with him, too. He said we can never tell what the future might bring. One night I asked him to hang out and he told me he had plans. He was being a little vague about it but I thought it was no big deal, of course he wants to see his other friends and spend time with his family while he's in town. I went to a bar to grab a drink after work and who do I see at the bar but my guy with his ex girlfriend? They were talking and laughing. I felt so many emotions all at once. I cried for a while and then I decided that I was glad it happened because it showed me that he didn't really think of us as being in a relationship, that I had misread the situation. I never brought up to him that I saw him with his ex, and within a couple of days, his visit was over and he went back home. It didn't feel like worth bringing up. "I saw my casual fling at the bar with his ex girlfriend" wasn't a very good story.

So now it's two months later. He hasn't called me. He sometimes posts Instagram stories of himself with male and female friends. We chat through messenger sometimes. I have sent him some suggestive things, which he responded favorably to, and I've also sent him some things he didn't respond so favorably to. I can't remember what we were talking about, but for some reason I said "the only person I really feel romantically interested in is you." He never responded. Eventually I said "hey, just pretend I never said that" and he told me I didn't have to be embarassed about my feelings, but that was it. He did message me regarding a trip Im planning on taking. I was going to go on vacation to a couple cities - the one he lives in, as well as some neighboring places. He told me he wanted to come with me on my trip and I was pretty excited about it - we'd travel around together for a couple weeks and then hang out in the city where he lives. For what it's worth, he's going to school there and will be finished next summer, at which time he believes he wants to return to our city. A few weeks ago he called me and said he'd have to cancel the portion of the trip where he was planning to travel with me because he has a very sick immediate family member. I do know that this is true and I think it's completely legitimate - this person is very sick and it may be his last chance to see them. The part of the trip where I visit him in his city his still on though, and I really can't change it now. A couple days ago he asked me about my plans for a few months from now, because he's planning on coming home and, as he said, he wants to make sure that he will be able to see me.

Regardless, my feelings are beginning to change. At first, I thought I'd be willing to wait forever for him. For him to decide he loves me, for him to come home, etc. But I have to admit, I'm finally growing impatient. I know a lot of nice guys, and some of them are interested in me romantically. Because of my relationship with this guy, I've always rebuffed their advances. Some of these guys are my mutual friends with him. I'd really like to explore my options now, but of course I want to talk to him first. I just have no idea what to say. How do I broach a subject like this? I want to ask him if he takes me seriously, if he sees a future between us, if he thinks I should see other people. He's so hard to communicate with and so intimidating sometimes. I feel like his answer to any of these questions would be "What do you think you should do?" And I truly want his opinion on what's happening. Help me. Am I a bad person for wanting to explore other options?

Tl;Dr: I have a complicated long distance relationship with someone who is kind of hot and cold with me and not consistently interested in me. Should I talk to him before I start dating other people? If so, what should I say.

Submitted February 26, 2019 at 11:07AM by wastingthedawn https://ift.tt/2NuhtPu