Me [26M] with my girlfriend [26F] of 1 year. She wants the father of her child around for vacations and other moments.

So the issue me and my girlfriend are facing revolves around her 3 year old son and his father. Essentially this started when she wanted to invite the father on a vacation we were planning. I'm not really okay with this for a few reasons. First, I feel his presence will overshadow mine, especially since this is a family oriented place. Second, I want there to be times in his life where he remembers where is was just the three of us, not the three of them with me tagging along. Third, I just don't think I'll be comfortable being around him that much.

On top of this instance, she says she wants this to be an occasional thing. I told her that I was uncomfortable with it but she insists that she wants this for her son. She wants him to see all of us as one family instead of two. I don't think that's logical. We ARE two families. When she left him she made that decision. I agreed that we could do things like birthday or local things like bowling/parks/movies/etc. With the very rare occasion of going on vacation together as long as we hadn't been there before. I want any new place to be just an experience for the three of us.

The next part is where I have a real big issue. We have talked about another kid. We are interested but would want to do it before 30. But she talked about going on vacations as the four of us with his father. No way. There is no way I want his father as part of ANY family trip of ours at that point. Am I crazy in this? Am I being unreasonable? I expect our family to be ours, no inclusion of him. If she wants him around then she should be with him, not me. At least that's how I see it. I would really love any feedback.

TL;DR: Girlfriend wants the father of her child to be with us on vacations, even if we end up having a child of our own. I'm not okay with this but she's insistent.

Edit 1: To clarify, I love this girl land her son. I care about them a lot and want this to work. That being said I am going to try to explain her point of view for some context. She essentially wants to show her son that by all coming together that even when people have differences that they can get along even if they no longer love or care for each other. She want him to know that all of the people he loves and care about can be harmonious and get along for his sake. She wants him to have the sense of one family. Something else to note is that they have split custody, so she wants to offer the olive branch(so to speak) so that when the father has the son he would do the same for her. I understand what she wants and expects. I just don't agree, and it isn't what I want out of a family. The biggest reason I'm here is that I have a hard time explaining things clearly. By talking about it and putting myself out there I can rationalize and think better. I appreciate all the comments and advice so far.

Edit 2: This thread is more popular than I imagined it would be. Thank you to everyone sharing their opinions and thoughts. Yes, even though those I don't agree with or like. That's the whole point of this. As you may have realized I left out details that are probably important so I'll include them below.

• Parents have 50/50 custody
• Me and the father have spent less than 2 hours time around each other since the beginning of dating. However, I knew him before while he was with my now girlfriend. We were acquaintances that maybe spent a handful of times around each other, though never personally the 2 of us.
• When we began dating he was aggressive, rude, and threatening. He has not yet apologized for any behavior but continues to ask why I don'y have the honor to face him and other insinuating comments. The aggressive/outright rude behavior has relatively gone away though so improvement?
• The trip in question would be for 3 days where we share a suite. The kind with the lockable door between rooms.
• They were not married, neither are we.

There are probably more things I could mention but I won't for now. Hopefully it gives a bit more context. Thank you.

Submitted February 28, 2019 at 08:01AM by UsulMaudDib https://ift.tt/2H7hvvx