I am very happy in our marriage.
Last night we had some extra time to talk and he mentioned that I dont make him feel sexually attractive or desired. Not just sex, he says I don’t initiate affection enough. This was hard to get out of him, he tends to speak in vauge terms and gets clammy around the issue of sex.
I think my husband is cute, but I have never found him sexy. We have been a couple for 4 years. He actually weighs 10-20lbs less than when we first met, so it isnt a case of his appearance changing over time. For context we are both overweight, and right now I have extra weight after having a baby. I would say we are of comparable physical attractiveness, but I am more into grooming myself and making an effort to appear as attractive as possible.
In my single days I did have relationships and flings with some coventially attractive slim and fit men. A few I found very sexy, and was aroused by touching and seeing them. Those relationships obviously had serious flaws because I did not marry them. When I met my husband the emotional connection and the compatability were incredible, and by that point I had deemed physical attractiveness a low priority in finding a mate. I don’t have any regrets.
I have had the most orgasms with him than any other partner, I think because we share such love and connection. Sex is a tricky issue with us right now, he wants it more often but clams up if I try to talk about it. I am interested in spicing things up, talking about how different positions and what work for us, talking about what was good about what we did in bed. He basically shuts down when I bring up the subject.
He is obviously insecure, but I don’t want to lie to him. I do nag him sometimes about exercise and grooming, but I really try to keep it in check. The exercise is really for health, I want us to grow old together and be able to do physical activities we enjoy well into our retirement. The grooming, yes he looks better if he shaves, but I also want him to be successful at work. He has an office job, of course appearances arent everything but a neck beard might give a bad impression. So, he isnt very into physical self care or grooming- if he was it might help my attraction, and I think it would also help him in life.
What do I say to him? I am not very sexually attracted to him. I don’t know if I can give him that feeling he says is missing for him. Have I been very unfair in agreeing to marry someone I am not very physically attracted to? Thank you.
TLDR: Husband told me he doesnt feel attractive. I honestly I am not very physically attracted to him.
Submitted February 28, 2019 at 08:21AM by WiggleWormDelux https://ift.tt/2UiT5TL
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