My (22M) Wife (21F) of 3 months (Dating 8 years) is Hateful when Drunk. Was this Marriage a Mistake?

EDIT: Clarification for some pronouns used in the post.

This is a throwaway account because I would not like this to be found by anyone in my personal life.

Some backstory before we get into the main part of this post. My wife and I have been dating for eight years as of 2018 and we got married shortly after our eight-year anniversary (we were engaged since 2016). She is diagnosed with depression and I am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and we both take medicine to help suppress those mental disorders. As for drinking, we both have been drinking since we were 19-20 years old. When she drinks, she feels she needs to get to the point of not remembering anything before calling it a night. When I drink, I only have a beer or two and I don't touch hard liquor. When she drinks heavily like stated above, she becomes emotional, defensive, and agitated when she is asked to do something. She will always resort to slamming doors, yelling at me, and telling me that she hates me. She'll usually end the night by throwing up, passing out on the couch, and then asking me what went down the previous night. I'll tell her, she'll say she's sorry, and she'll feel bad for most of the day until I say that I'm over it.

We've had multiple encounters like this over the past two or three years, but the past two weeks have been moving me to think I shouldn't have married her. These drinking episodes aren't common, but they happen every few months. I thought the drinking habits would change once we got married (wrong on my part to think it'd change).

Anyway, on to the main part. The first event happened on Friday, February 15th. She decided that since she didn't have to work, she would day-drink with her sister. She bought $70 worth of alcohol and decided to drink it all from about 10am to 7pm. I had some dental work done that day, so I was already annoyed with my mouth being numb and her and her sister being rowdy. She then comes into the computer room and attempts to blow me, and I refuse her offer because I don't think drunk people should be doing that. She gets a "I'm sorry" look on her face and goes out of the room. I then heard her crying to her sister that I'm mad at her. She then ends up drinking more throughout the day, starts getting pissy with me, which makes me get pissy right back at her, the yelling starts, and before I knew it, she's staying at her mom's house for the evening.

I picked her up later that night and we talked about her drinking. Her mom and I both agree that she should not be drinking, especially while taking anti-depressants. Her mom and I also agreed that when she drinks, she verbally hurts everyone around her with her yelling. She agreed and she got the idea to dump out the remainder of the alcohol she bought that same day. I helped her with it and she went to bed.

The second event happened this past Saturday, February 23rd. She went out to a co-worker's birthday party and we had agreed that I will drop her off, she will play their birthday games (find the birthday girl in one of her favorite bars), have only a drink or two, and then I'd pick her up. Well, she texts me saying she's ready to be picked up at a bar and she's tipsy. I thought she had just meant she was buzzed, which I still kind of frowned at, but when I called her, her speech was so slurred that I could barely understand her. Her co-worker had to take the phone from her and tell me where to pick her up at, in which the co-worker told me her parents (the co-worker's parents) bought a lot of shots for her (the co-worker) and my wife stepped up to assist her in drinking them. I immediately got anxious about what was about to happen. I pulled up to the bar and she stumbled across the road and got into my car, and I immediately told her how disappointed I was that she went around what we agreed upon (1 to 2 drinks). We drove home arguing that she doesn't have to get drunk when she goes out with friends and she went on a rant about how I get to have fun and she doesn't.

We get home and she yells "fuck you" and flips me off as she gets out of my car and slams the door. Door slamming pisses me off and only fuels my anger, so I yelled "fuck you" back to her and slammed my own door, pissing me off even more. I got inside the house and she had locked herself into a different room. I tried getting in, but she held the lock and handle, so I hit the door and started hitting walls (I had no intention of hitting her. I got angry because I couldn't get in and have a talk face-to-face). We yelled at each other for about 15 minutes, then I called my mom and started crying to her that I cannot handle being around her when she is drunk. My wife then comes out of the room and starts berating me, telling me she hates me and I'm the reason she feels like she does, and then starts berating my mom for being "drunk most of my childhood" and making me resent being around anyone who drinks (she does drink a lot when partying, but she does not act like my wife when drunk). The phone call goes on for another 10-ish minutes, then we're done talking. I'm still crying and I lock myself away in the computer room so I can let my wife just do what she does when drunk. She then goes into the bathroom, falls over (she has a big, dark bruise on her side now), then goes out to my car about two or three times to look for her cell phone. Every time she opened the garage door, I ran out to see what she was doing because I heard car keys jingling and I thought she was going to try driving away.

About an hour and a half after we got home and yelled, her mom came over and took her for the night. This was about 1:30AM. I talked to my best friend to at least let someone know what has been happening for the past hour and a half and he helped me through the night, until around 3AM, when I get a very long message from my wife talking about how she is not going to let me hold her back from her dreams (She just graduated with a psych bachelor degree and she decided that she is going to go back to get her pre-med degrees so she can work her way up to becoming a doctor), she can file divorce papers the next morning in an instant, and she can change her last name back to her maiden name faster than she changed it to mine. The text was full of old stuff she has held onto for the past few years that she feels under-gratified for or just cannot let go of. I told her we are not separating over text and that she needs to get some sleep and that we'd talk about it in the morning.

The next morning came and she sent me a text at around 10AM saying "I meant everything I said earlier." I picked her and her sister up, brought them back to our house, and we talked about everything and decided that we need to start changing the ways we do things, such as she won't drink anymore, I will spend less time on the computer playing games (I play games for about 30+ hours a week), I will find a hobby not on the computer, and I will attempt to go to bed with her instead of staying up late (I work 2-10pm, so it's hard for me to sleep after getting home from work).

With all of this post in mind, should I even try to make this marriage work after these events have happened? These are only two of maybe five times this has already happened, but the event on the 23rd has made me feel like I made a mistake for marrying her. I just feel that someone who claims to love someone else should never feel compelled to say "I hate you" in a yelling fit.

TL;DR: Wife got drunk multiple times in two weeks. When she gets drunk, she becomes hateful and yells at me and tells me she hates me. Her mom and I have pleaded to her that her drinking habits are unhealthy and she is not a nice person when she drinks. Should I even stay married to her?

Submitted February 28, 2019 at 12:11AM by ThrowAway56408 https://ift.tt/2UbQivp