I posted about this once before, but I am just hoping for a little more perspective if I am to cut off all my friends.
So... I have an ex friend called Kyle. He was a terrible friend.
He was not supportive, nor kind. I've never once heard him say a nice thing about anyone. Instead he brings people down, is very negative, and will cause an argument at almost any opportunity despite being very dumb and almost always ignorant on the issue.
He's done many terrible things. He was incredibly inappropriate towards children, he indecently assaulted a girl, beat a girl up, several more assaults, some vandalism, and some thefts. That list is not complete, and it only includes things that I know of.
When I say he was inappropriate towards children, I don't mean that he touched them (at least not that I am aware of). What I mean is...:
We used to coach kids ranging from age of 6-11 at basketball and swimming. Kyle would ask the children if they knew what "Insert sexual thing here" was. He would also say really weird/inappropriate things to them. And at the pool on several occasions I saw him go up behind them when they were going to dive in, and make very inappropriate gestures. This includes making a thrusting motion, slapping towards butt, and more.
While this is not as bad as touching them, I still think it's terrible, really inappropriate, and potentially very damaging.
Separate from that list of things he's done, he once seriously threatened me with violence after he misunderstood something I said due to his stupidity. He also stole from me. What he stole was almost worthless financially, but it meant a lot sentimentally and I spent hundreds of hours on it.
I absolutely loathe spending any time with him. He cannot go 10 minutes without being racist, sexist, or misogynistic.
Two common topics of conversation for him include:
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Literally, unironically, and seriously, reminding us that there are millions of starving children in Africa, and then laughing at them.
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Referring to women as pieces of meat. He once told us that he'd like to "Kill a specific girl, cut off her tits, and hang them on his bedroom wall as a trophy".
My IQ would drop, and I'd lose brain cells just from being in the same room as him.
He's always been seriously messed up. I have a very distinct memory from when we were 6 or at most 7 years old. It was Christmas time, our class was sitting on the classroom floor watching a movie about a snowman. Kyle is eating a yogurt. He turns to me, dripping this white yogurt into the tub, and says "This is my cum, I am going to scoop it into that girls vagina, make her pregnant, and force her to have my baby." We were SIX YEARS OLD!
So I hope you understand why I want nothing to do with him!
The rest of our friends have been fantastic to me. They have never once been bad to me. They have been kind and caring. They've had my back in difficult situations, and showed me compassion when I was at my lowest. They always make an effort to stay in touch with me and invite me to things. They've never been anything but nice to me.
The only problem is that they ignore Kyle's bullshit. They do not necessarily support it, and they do nothing like that themselves, but they just ignore anything he does. I am convinced that he could go on to be a mass murderer of children and they'd still be his friend!
This makes it very difficult to be their friend.
Due to work & college we are now mostly in different cities. This means that we only meet up once a month or so. However we message all the time, play games and chat on Discord often, and plan holidays together.
I can never meet up with my friends anymore because Kyle is always there. Any time that I try to do anything with a couple of them without Kyle they end up inviting him anyway.
Sometimes they will purposely make it sound like Kyle isn't there. "Me and Bob are at the bar now, come join us", not mentioning Kyle, but there he is.
I felt I had to leave our group chat because Kyle there sharing his racist and sexist shit.
We'd always play online video games a lot, but now I can only rarely game with them because Kyle is always gaming, and I don't want to talk to them in the Discord chat in case he joins.
I just feel that I barely get to see or game with my friends anymore because he's always there. Sure I could pretend to like him, but he just makes it toxic, it'd be awkward, and I can't stand his company.
I'd love to go on holiday with my friends when they invite me, but again same issue.
I feel like my friends resent me a little for cutting him off. One asked me "Do you think things will ever be like they used to, us all friends?" Referring to me and Kyle.
Another keeps asking me to forgive Kyle and to be his friend again. If I can forgive somebody, then I always do. But what's the point in Kyle's case? He hasn't learnt from his mistakes, let alone try to atone for them. He hasn't changed. He will just be terrible again.
I tried talking to a couple of them about Kyle. I told them about Kyle being inappropriate towards kids. They just laughed and said "Yeah that's just Kyle lol". I told them about him being a psycho sex fiend at just 6 years old and they wouldn't believe me.
I feel that although they don't support Kyle's actions, and they certainly do nothing like that themselves, it's still really shitty that they ignore it. That they continue to be his friend despite everything.
But on the other hand they are super kind and generous towards me. It's hard for me to get across just how great they've been over the years. I can't fault them for anything except being friends with Kyle.
So now I guess I have a choice. Do I cut them all off? It'd sadden me because I genuinely love a few of them like family. I've been fairly close friends with them for well over a decade. But they insist on putting themselves in toxic situations with Kyle constantly. I hate to hate people, but I despise Kyle and would like to be as far away from him as possible.
Also... regarding him being inappropriate to kids. He currently has 0 access to kids like he did before. If that happened, I'd have no problem reporting that to whichever club or school it was to try protect the little ones.
What do I do? Cut them all off? Continue to be their friend but just keep trying to avoid Kyle? I'm open to the possibility of reporting Kyle and get him put to prison. But problem is I have 0 evidence. I extremely doubt the girl he indecently assaulted would come forward about it. Should I purposely put myself in any situation I can with Kyle? In person, group chats, gaming voice calls, just to try gather evidence and report him? Or should I just cut all ties with our group. Or just keep doing what I'm doing?
Edit: My friends are very nice, but they avoid conflict like the plague, and I guess the reason they give Kyle a pass is because they've known him most of their lives.
TL;DR: I have a group of long time friends. Individually they have been fantastic to me over the years. I could say so much good! I can't stress that enough. My only problem is that they continue to be friends with my ex friend Kyle who is a child abuser, assaulter, thief, and terribly toxic human being. He once even threatened and stole from me. I have 0 intent of being anywhere near him. This means that I can barely see, chat, or game with my friend group anymore since Kyle's always there. Do I cut them all off for ignoring his bullshit? Or keep being their friend while distancing myself from Kyle? I've tried talking to a couple of them about him, but they just laugh and defend him, or don't believe some of the allegations...
Submitted January 29, 2019 at 07:11AM by Altruistic_Justice http://bit.ly/2BaIouV
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