My [22F] close friend [22F] just found out the guy she is dating, who we assumed was early-20sM, is actually 36. His behavior is very weird given this new information. What's an appropriate way to express concern?

My friend and I both graduated college this year and started full time jobs. No more than a few months into her new position, my friend started seeing a coworker who had started at her company around the same time she had. In this context, she (and all of my friends) assumed he was also a recent graduate. He looks about our age and has known how old she is from the beginning, so there were no immediate red flags. In all of the stories she told us about him, he just sounded like an inexperienced, youngish guy who didn’t have great social or dating skills. Maybe not a real winner, but nothing concerning.

This morning, she finally did a deep dive on social media, and it turns out he's 36. She says she's fine with it.

There has been some other weirdness that I think is extra suspicious in this context. She hasn't been to his apartment, and he gives her a bs excuse every time she asks about it. They always hang out at work or in his car. He has never wanted to meet her friends or family, and always just drops her off without greeting us. They've never been on a date in a public place. I don't want to start throwing specific accusations around but it feels like something is off with this guy. This friend has a past with being in denial about staying with emotionally abusive partners and I don't really trust her judgement - which may not be my place, and may be clouding my opinion of this person.

I know from experience with this same friend that criticizing someone's choice of partner is a sore spot in friendships. I don't know if she'll listen to me or her other friends even if it were our place to say something. I just love my friend and don’t want her to get hurt again. How can I express my concern without breaching that sensitive subject?

TLDR - Friend is dating someone much older who seems really sketchy and immature. Other friends and I are concerned. Is there a good non-confrontational way to approach her about this?

Submitted December 31, 2018 at 02:54PM by ConcernedBFF_ http://bit.ly/2TmqXhj