Hi, I'm hoping to get some advice on what I can say and how I can say it, when talking to my niece about a potentially upsetting topic.
A bit of background - my niece has been living with me in another state for approximately 18 months, because of fights/issues she has had with other girls in the small-ish town where she grew up. Her parents, 1 x grandparent and brothers still live in that small town.
I live in an attached townhouse, meaning there is a shared common wall between the two townhouses. Due to need/opportunity, my parents (70s) - her grandparents - live in the townhouse on the other side. We also have an open gate between the two houses, and an open door policy, so it is similar to living under one roof. Essentially, if she lives with me, she lives with her grandparents.
The issue is that my dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer, and is now undergoing treatment. He is also in significant pain most of the time. He is, quite understandably, feeling confused and sad and worried and a whole lot of other emotions, as is my mother. Even more so, he just doesn't want to be around other people, which I feel he is certainly entitled to feel.
They both struggle to cope with their grand-daughter's behaviour at the best of times - she lies, responds badly to innocent comments, snaps when upset etc. We have talked to her and worked with her on this and while she does do it less around us, it still happens.
Because my priority - and theirs - is her grandfather's health and taking care of both his and her grandmother's physical and mental health, we have decided that we cannot handle her living with us full-time next year (2019). We want to encourage her to move back to her family interstate (she has a very good, close relationship with them). We would not be throwing her out with no-where to live.
She has finished school but doesn't have a job (has applied for many, nothing ever comes of her applications) and doesn't have many friends here and can't drive. So, as awful as it sounds, she would be an emotional, financial and mental drain on all of us at a time we really don't think we can cope with any more.
The other issue we have is that her mum - my sister-in-law - seems to have be 100% committed to her living with us. I don't know if it's because she truly believes opportunities are better here (they're not) or because her daughter is difficult to live with, which she has admitted to us. Regardless, I can’t guarantee she will insist her daughter live with her again.
My brother, her dad, is not currently in a position to help out much, so I can't just "handball" it to him.
My question is - how do we discuss this with her, what do we say, how can we word it etc. so that a) she knows it is just not an option to live her until at least his cancer treatment is over and b) do it in a way that doesn't upset her greatly or destroy the relationship with her or her mum.
Thanks in advance, all advice is appreciated.
TLDR; how do I tell my niece she can’t continue to live with me and not destroy the relationship?
Submitted January 01, 2019 at 05:10AM by so363 http://bit.ly/2F0sl6g
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