Background - my bf and I have been together for almost 9 years. We live together with my 12yo son. I have a son with my ex-husband & we co-parent.
Anyway were fighting over something dumb (if something tasted burnt or not). It was caught on camera as we have pet cams. He got so mad at how I was reacting (he said I was antagonizing him but I smile when I'm nervous)..he took the questionably burnt bread out of my hands and threw it against the wall. I left the room. We didn't really make up from it.
A few days later, I was on his computer with his permission to use the printer. Well my spidey sense was tingling so I checked his Facebook messenger (I know, I know not the best move but this is how I found my ex-husband was cheating on me and why I filed divorce). I found my bf had sent a video of our fight to one of his female friends. A female friend he met after we started dating. He gripes to her about me in the message and she takes his side. It makes me feel awful and embarrassed.
I also found him talking to an ex of his, who was actively hitting on him in the messages. He didn't engage, but didn't divert either. Made me feel bad, too.
When I confronted him about this, he didn't seem too remorseful. Made excuses for both. He said the ex-girlfriend is a long time ago gf and she struggles with mental/drug issues and wants to be there for her when she checks in in case she spirals.
He defends the female friend saying they are into similar things. I have met her and she is awesome. However she is a little blonde (his exact type which I currently am not). She's also a skrimper on the side and we've seen her perform together. She is a nice person but I think I should've met her through another friend not as someone my bf met after we got together. The last time I saw her I was nice but felt humiliation because of the video. I like her but I don't feel their relationship is appropriate. She complains about her relationship to him as well. There seems to be an emotional thing there. Im sure he's thought about her sexually.
I explained these are nice women and you're not intentionally being bad, but you're putting their needs over mine which is bad. He doesn't really seem to understand.
TL;DR: bf sent a video of us fighting to his female friend all while talking to an ex. How do I deal? I don't want to leave a 9 year relationship.
Submitted November 21, 2022 at 05:19PM by roshielle https://ift.tt/792OFDu
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