My (M26) gf (F26) has had a tough year/life and is increasingly pessimistic and stressed. I don't know what to do.

So my partner and I, like many young adults in our country, has had a really fractured and difficult time since the pandemic. She actually arrived here from overseas in March 2020, got stuck, and decided to stay. We've been dating since mid-2021. Before she came here, she'd just graduated from art school, which is obviously a tough industry to do well in, but I do think she's a wonderful artist and could potentially succeed in that work. Since being here, she's got by on a few low-paid casual jobs, and has very little savings. She's also had really big challenges with health issues, which have really broke her spirits, and which are still yet to be resolved. She can't afford to see a psychologist, but there's a lot she's struggling with mentally: traumatic childhood, recovering from sexual violence, potentially undiagnosed autism, and maybe now depression and anxiety too. Long story short, she's had a really difficult time in her life, and it doesn't look like changing much in the near future.

At present, I am kind of going through the opposite of this. Life is just great! I love her so much and we really do have wonderful times together. Career-wise, I have never had a better year and I'm very optimistic and ambitious about what I want to do in the future. I'm also on a comfortable income, and have received some generous financial support from my grandparents. Although I lent my girlfriend a decent sum of money last year while she had to take time off work to recover from a surgery, as a very independent person and committed feminist, she understandably hated being indebted to me. While she has paid me back this money now, there is no way she would accept further financial support. I have occasionally given her money to help with her medical bills. I've also offered her money to see a psychologist, but she doesn't want to take this offer up. I've also offered her money to support her to paint and then sell these works, but again, she does not want to be indebted to me, even though I wouldn't ask for the money back if she didn't find success.

When we first met, I was very attracted by her ambitiousness. She had many dreams about what she wanted to do in her career, but now that she is really struggling, she's lost a lot of that drive. Despite not trying to be an artist here, or work in the art industry, or something else related to other interests of hers, she has now said that she cannot have a career in this country. (She does not have a desire to return to her country of origin, but I have said I would be willing to move somewhere else with her, even though that is not my preference).

For the time being, she is now considering accepting a job in a notoriously low-paying field. It is attractive to her because it is steady income with reliable hours. In the short to medium term I think this is a perfectly good job for her, but I'm more off-put by her nihilism about having a career in this country.

I empathise and want to support her, but the ambitious woman I fell in love with has been crippled by her really challenging life circumstances. I don't know what to do. I want to support her, but I am increasingly put off by who she is becoming -- even if this is obviously the product of a really awful time she's having. Likewise, I am put off by her pessimism about her career prospects, but I also don't want to be domineering over what she does for her career. And similarly, I want to support her financially and have the means to do so, but I completely respect her desire to not accept this. I just don't know what to do now.

TL;DR: gf has had a shit time and is suffering and losing hope. Don't know how to help.

Submitted November 20, 2022 at 10:13PM by bettertrends https://ift.tt/qGzOgdn