I (27f) broke up with my ex (28m) a year and a half ago. We were together for 5 and a half years. It was one of those things where I grew out of the relationship. He was an alcoholic that was unwilling to change, wouldn’t do anything with me - even when I moved across the country to NYC with him - and didn’t take care of himself. We were together for so long that it was hard to leave or imagine my life without this person. Eventually after a couple breaks due to his drinking, I told him I wouldn’t deal with it again. The next slip up, I left for good.
Fast forward to now. I moved out, advanced in my career, and I’m in a new and happy relationship. I finally have that feeling that I always wish I had with my ex and I didn’t know it was possible to feel love like this. Now I know the difference. He’s kind, caring, protective, present, ambitious, and takes care of himself. He’s not a project and it’s so great that we can work on ourselves while being together. It’s been a year since we first met so we are past the “honeymoon” phase.
My problem is that I’m still very fixated on the pain I dealt with with my ex. I find myself constantly comparing him to my current boyfriend. But not in the bad way like - I wish my current boyfriend did what my ex did. It’s more like - this is so much better than what I had before! Even though this is a good feeling and it’s positive, I’m sick of dwelling on the past.
I know grief takes time, but I’m sick of it coming up all the time. And I end up bringing it up with my current boyfriend. He doesn’t mind and he understand that grief takes time, but I don’t want to do this all the time.
Any tips to help me move on from the pain of my past relationship?
TLDR; still dealing with pain from my ex, don’t want it to affect my current relationship.
Submitted November 26, 2022 at 08:05PM by hermionewholegraingr https://ift.tt/pOeVa6E
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