Help me 34f set boundaries with 44m boyfriend - if I have another 4hr phone call I'm going to lose it

Tl;dr: new boyfriend doesn't seem to understand or appreciate my need for basic life routines - sleep, food, exercise. I don't have energy for anything else in my life as a result of this long-distance relationship. Please help me help him understand so I can function like a normal human again.

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I've been friends with my boyfriend for over a decade, and it blossomed into love this spring. We truly feel meant for each other, and I love him very much. It's the most compatible I've ever been with anyone and the time we spend together is lovely and warm. However. It is also currently long-distance - a 3-4hour drive. In the beginning we talked for hours on the phone, enjoying the NRE high. Our visits are like epic sex marathons where we stay up all night, sleep all day, barely eat and while it's been fun I can no longer sustain any of this. I'm completely exhausted. Six months in, my work, friendships and my schoolwork is suffering and I have been trying to set basic boundaries: I need to sleep and wake up at a reasonable hour, workout and eat at regular times. Real basic human organism type stuff.

This is prompting a huge anxiety spiral in him where he feels like I'm withdrawing. Despite my repeated stress and indications that I can't do it like this anymore, and asking him to understand that I a) need my sleep and b) need my routine he. just. cannot. hear. it. I am spending hours talking to him.

Also, I prefer to get together every other weekend whereas he'd like every weekend. That is simply not possible for me right now with my other commitments, plus he has a big dog that I am both allergic to and a bit scared of (a sweet pitbull but he has some prey drive behaviors that spook me) which makes it hard to fully relax when we're together. I just negotiated HARD for two weeks to myself, with no visits, just to try and recover a bit and just when I thought he understood I wound up on two different calls with him today, for a total of THREE HOURS AND FORTY MINUTES.

I don't know what to do. My life is starting to feel unrecognizable six months in and while I love him I am starting to doubt our future. I am going to lay down some hard rules tomorrow -- like I am hanging up after 30m, tops -- and could use some advice on what to say.

My mental and physical health is starting to deteriorate as a direct result of the demands this relationship is placing on my time while we're apart, and frankly how the time goes when we're together. I've been trying to imagine a future together and it is getting harder to do because I increasingly just desperately focus on how much I need to be ALONE in peace and quiet to recuperate. I'd otherwise say he was the love of my life. I'd be devastated to lose him but I cannot maintain this status quo and am starting to miss my former single life, which was very happy, routine-oriented and content.

Please help me, Reddit! <3

Submitted November 08, 2022 at 08:24PM by BlueSparklesXx https://ift.tt/AMbzNtI