UPDATE My partner(F33) won't stop sulking about me(F31) not caving to a random whim. Is there a gentle way to deal with this?

Original Post Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/yqg70p/my_partnerf33_wont_stop_sulking_about_mef31_not/

So we went to a couple's counselor my gf's therapist recommended. My gf who had been making a huge deal over me not getting a tattoo had switched gears and said this wasn't worth a trip to a couple's counselor.

I reminded her of her more worrisome actions like crying in bed about it and promised her it'd be one and done session if she doesn't feel comfortable with the counselor and we can leave whenever she says go but we need to give it a chance.

Well to sum up a 45 minute session, there's a perceived power imbalance in our relationship that's the root of her insecurity.

We live happily together but I've made it clear marriage isn't on the near-by horizon. I took her back after she begged for forgiveness. I'm the only one working. Plus other factors make her feel she's pressured everyday to be on her best behavior, because I can break things off any day and nobody would think I'm in the wrong(in her mind) and that a public display of commitment(like an engagement ring or marriage) is like a carrot being hanged in front of her. The actual metaphor the doctor used was more gentle but that was the closest English version I could think off.

We had what I think was a productive conversation, where(and we've had this talk before) we all agree that us getting back together is a clean start and that me not proposing right now isn't a punishment. Its just giving time to a new, healthier relationship now that we know of the BP.

I acknowledge she has a right to be scared and insecure just like its acknowledged I have a right to feel I need time to believe we can make this work in the long run.

This is not new ground for us but the counselor saying neither one of us can or should circumvent the other's wishes(her trying to get a tattoo to make up for a lack of a ring) I think made her understand how in the wrong she was.

Her next session with her own therapist will involved maybe switching her medication as she's getting sad or upset over petty stuff like how we started dating, or the fact that she feels ''lesser'' because of her disorder.

Silver lining here is that none of this is affecting our daughter. She's happy, energetic, we both our on our best when we're with her.

Its not easy but I think we'll be ok.

tl;dr: Growing pains of going through a renewed relationship and dealing with BP. If you have any advice, it'd be appreciated.

Submitted November 17, 2022 at 12:45AM by goforbrokecoke https://ift.tt/MijZKa7