Hello everyone, thank you for reading.
I have been dating my fiance, let's call him Jonathan, for 3 years, we live together. I'm gay, Jonathan is bi. Jonathan dated his ex-gf, Cindy, for 4 years. They broke up 4,5 years ago. Between me and Cindy, Jonathan only dated men.
I have never had a problem with my partner being friends with ex's, male or female. However with Cindy, there was always something that bothered me. I always had an 'I don't necessarily have to be friends with them' attitude, yet my BF pushed me to meet Cindy. Cindy is a woman who likes to talk about her sex life in explicit detail (the first time I met her she only talked about that and didn't ask me any question), she also didn't treat my BF great during their relationship, causing him some trauma, and in general is an oversharer who doesn't respect boundaries. I invited her to my BF's birthday party, that was hosted at our house, and Cindy held a 30 min speech for my BF where she thanked and mentioned every important person in his life, except for me. She also shared very explicit details of their sexlife, her heartbreak over their relationship and so on. She also invited herself multiple times to events of ours, even coming to the Pride Parade with us while I wanted to spend it with Jonathan. Anyway, you guys get the hint.
Cindy also has some mental health problems, she sometimes suffers from depression for certain periods. A few months ago she discovered that her ex-boyfriend is seeing someone new, which has caused her much pain and sadness. Appearantly, whenever she meets up with my BF, she cries about her ex, about how sad life is (she lost her father at a a very young age) and is struggeling with all that.
My boyfriend is very worried about Cindy, which is logical and has gone out of his way to help her, spend time with her and make sure that she is ok. Ofcourse I completely supported him.
2 weeks ago my mother passed away, she had cancer and we knew that the end was near. I took care of her for the last 6 months of her life, which was obviously very hard. My mother's funeral was held last Saturday, and this is where things get very hurtful for me.
The funeral started at 2 PM, I live an hour away from the village the funeral would be held. I told Jonathan that I wanted to leave at 11AM, so we could arrive around 12 so I could be there for my grandparents and my sister and help with some practical details.
At 8 AM that day, Jonathan got a call from Cindy, about how bad she was doing and honestly he seemed very scared. Apparently all she was doing that week was laying on her couch, staring at he ceiling. He was very worried that she would hurt herself. So he asked me if it was ok to quickly stop by her place (she lives 15 minutes away by car), I told him yes, but I did ask him to be back at 11AM (at the very last) because we needed to go to my mother's funeral. He agreed and told me that it would be no problem.
Around 10:30 AM I texted him, asking where he was. According to him she really wasn't doing well but he would only be 10 minutes late. I was already getting a bit pissed at him but told him to please hurry and call one of her friends or family if he really was that concerned.
At 11, he wasn't there. At 11:15, still no news, at 11:30: nothing. I called him and he told me she still wasn't doing well, that she was threatening to harm herself. He asked me if we could leave at 12, too which I said yes, but this really was the last option.
At 12: no sign of my fiance. I texted him, called him: no reply. At 12:10 I texted him that if he did not reply, I would leave within 10 minutes.
15 minutes later, I still hadn't received any news from him and I was bombarded by family members asking where the hell I was. So I left. By the time I arrived at the funeral, I still hadn't received news of my BF. I texted him the adress, so he would be able to come by taxi in case he wanted too, and put my phone on silent before the funeral started.
At the end of the funeral, an hour later. I had 21 missed calls from him, 1 from his sister, and 1 from his brother + 30 missed messages on both FB, whatsapp and by normal text.
His explanation was that he had put his phone on silent because Cindy said that the texts and calls kept stressing her out. That he wanted to make sure that she was ok, and that he couldn't leave because she was saying that it would all be better if she 'ended it all' and how she was alluding to causing some form of self-harm. At a certain moment even his sister stopped by when she heard what was happening and she told me that indeed, Cindy wasn't doing well at all.
Ever since I haven't returned home, I don't know how to react and feel very hurt.
The thing is, I don't doubt that Cindy wasn't doing well at all. I also don't think there was any cheating going on whatsoever. I just feel like this was a moment where I needed my BF and he decided to be with his ex-gf. At the same time, I also understand that Cindy wasn't doing well.
My BF keeps on texting me, telling me how sorry he is, but that he is also a victim because he wanted to do good. That he couldn't leave her by herself. That he would have never forgiven himself.
I don't know what to think, I am upset, and very hurt, yet at the same time I feel like I can't be because my BF tried to help someone.
TL;dr: Fiance missed my mom's funeral. How can I cope with this situation?
Submitted November 10, 2022 at 03:55AM by FreshSprinkles7552 https://ift.tt/SfGlRTz
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