Considering breaking up with my (34F) partner (34M) of 8 years over work ethic and lack of financial stability.

When we first began dating my partner seemed to have his life together. He was working two jobs, paying his bills, we regularly went on dates - dinner's out were usually split 50/50 but more extravagant dates (concerts, weekend's away) I paid for. However, he was living in a big city at the time and because his costs of living were higher than mine, I didn't mind. A year later we moved in together and he decided he wanted to go back to school to finish his degree. This took about three years. During this time I worked three jobs to pay the majority of our bills. He did work part time for 2 years while going to school so he contributed but I still covered the majority of costs.

After he graduated, he spent a year trying to find work in his field with no luck. At that point I suggested moving to a different part of the country both for a change of scenery and for the possibility of better job opportunity. We moved provinces (I financed the majority of the move) and although I didn't get a job in my chosen field right away I did manage to secure a decent job with benefits and security. Again, I was the primary breadwinner while he floated from low paying job to low paying job. He did manage to find an entry level job in his field but didn't like the day to day work and quit within 3 months. Which I told him at the time, I thought was a terrible idea. I encouraged him to stick with it and he'd be able to move up before he knew it but to no avail, he quit anyway.

Fast forward 2 years and I am working the same not by choice but financially stable job and dealing with the worst depression and suicidal ideations since I was a teenager. After seeking treatment I realized my job was the main reason for the decline in my mental health. I made the decision to seek out a job in my chosen profession (film and tv production) Now this move would mean a year or two of relativity unstable contract work and losing my benefits BUT the pay off would be having a union membership with benefits, pension and high paying work and a drastic improvement in my mental health. I discussed with my partner who was now working a job he enjoyed with modest pay and benefit coverage which I could go on in the meantime. I have a chronic illness that requires an expensive medication for treatment so benefits coverage is a major factor in all of my career decisions. I told him the timeline and explained that in order for me to pursue my chosen career, I needed him to be the stable breadwinner of our relationship for a relatively short time period. He understood and was incredibly supportive of my decision. I worked my ass off, got my first contract and established a great reputation with the union members of my area. I have the majority of my union hours in just one summer of working and will in all likelihood be a full member by the end of next Summer (about a year to achieve this goal). But I have been laid off for the winter since the work out here is seasonal. This was expected and my plan was to take a few months off since I worked about 900 hours in 4 months and then find a serving job to get me through the winter until film work starts up again in the Spring.

In the last few months, my partner was having some issues at his job (making mistakes on simple things, having disagreements with the owners) I advised and helped him as best I could and also reminded him that we need this job while my work situation is more uncertain. Today, my partner came home and told me he's been fired.

I am trying to be supportive and of course he is looking to me for comfort but I am so numb right now. I feel like I didn't ask for much from him given my track record of picking up the slack so that we can live a good life. I feel like I can't rely on him at all, I feel like I've been taken advantage of financially for 8 years. The one and only time in my life I made a risky choice financially in order to pursue something I love and he can't hold down his job for more than a year.

Obviously, this post is all the bad stuff. We do get along very well. He is a great partner in some other aspects of life. I've never been so compatible with someone but this work ethic disparity is ruining the entire relationship for me. I don't want this to be my life. I want someone who can keep their life together and who can afford to take their wife away or on a date once in a while. I want someone who can pick up the slack like I have continuously, someone who can take care of me sometimes. I don't know how to salvage this relationship or if it's even possible.

TL;DR - I have supported my partner (emotionally and financially) for 7 years. I asked him for two years of job stability so I could pursue my chosen career and he got fired today. I've never been someone that cared much about money but I am at my breaking point here. I don't know what to do.

Submitted November 25, 2022 at 04:14PM by whodis2088 https://ift.tt/MbZGYan