I (22f) am struggling with my father’s (45m) partner (43f) wanting to be my new mother and have me live at home forever.

TL:DR - my father’s partner / future stepmother and my father have regressed to treating me like I’m a teenager, and wants me to think of her as my mother and live at home forever.

I (22f) have recently moved back home with my father (45m) due to an ex that caused me to lose my job. It’s not ideal and the move wrecked my savings, and my job market is not here, so I’m currently job hunting and expect to be moved out within 3-6 months, reasonably. Otherwise I had not lived at home since I was 18.

My mother and father separated this year, and my father has found an “old but new flame”. I’ve never met the woman (since I moved in so recently) , but he’s constantly on the phone with her so it’s like she’s here in spirit. Constantly. They’re also planning on combining households (45m, 18m, 17m, 43f, 18f) in about a year.

This is fine and while I’m not pleased with how fast things are moving, she’s fine as a person. She has one fatal flaw though;

She constantly Treats me like a young teenager. And it’s resulted in my father also treating me younger. Which is driving me up the wall.

They keep making plants involving me without my input, especially her. This would be cute if it did not involve me doing things like living at home forever, sharing a room with her daughter (18f). Spending literally every holiday with them (I usually juggle between my mother’s, father’s, and large family parties. I’m the only one willing to see my mother as my younger siblings blame her for… frankly everything that’s ever bad happened.) And just in général never moving out and being part of her nuclear family forever.

She buys me things that I have 0 interest in (sweet but genuinely a waste of money), calls me “her kid”, expects me to be at family dinners nightly in the future, and in general seems to view me as much younger then I am, with plans to live at home for much longer then I’d want (or could stand).

This has also resulted in my father over babying me on calls during her, I’ve noticed. Frankly he was an atrocious parent (physically, mentally, emotionally abusive) so him treating me like I have the emotional maturity and mental capacity of a toddler is not surprising, but she somehow makes it worse.

It’s started feeding into each other and is giving me a headache. I’ve repeatedly mentioned I feel too old for a stepmother / don’t think of her that way, but it’s not computing either either of them. Likewise the constant steamrolling of my wants / needs as an adult is driving me nuts. For added measure, I suspect I’m pregnant, and am not looking forward to that level of extra smothering.

I suspect moving out will be my only fix for this so I can reestablish boundaries, but anything else would be nice in the mean time before I beat my boundaries into them with a rolling pin.

Submitted November 29, 2022 at 10:37PM by CherriesOnTheBeach https://ift.tt/Gsyk0WU