Thinking about leaving a toxic relationship but I have no money and no one to turn to. I need advice on what to do

This is gonna be a long post and I apologize but there will be a TLDR at the end.

So me (F19) and my partner (F18) have been together since we were in middle school. Around 7 years now. We decided to move in together last year and I have been growing increasingly unhappy in our relationship. Our relationship has always been a little rocky and I’ve tried to break it off before but I’ve obviously been unsuccessful. Don’t get me wrong I love her with all my heart and we’ve had so many good times together, but I’ve noticed that I’m not sure I want to be with her anymore.

Since we’ve moved in together she has become more and more clingy. I used to be pretty sociable. I liked to go out with friends and have nights out by myself. Anytime I would go out without her, though, she would always make me feel like shit about it the next day. She would say how all she did was sit and worry about me and say how lonely she was and how she wishes she had friends too. It got to the point where she would always join me in hanging out with my friends. People would joke that we’re a “package deal.” Eventually all of my friends started avoided hanging out with me and now I’m left with not a single friend. Literally. Not a single one. And I never really realized how lonely I’ve been because my partner would just say how we only need each other. She says how it’s us against the world and I thought the same thing for the longest time. But Ive realized how badly I miss my friends and how sick I am of just being around her and only her 24/7.

We also have had the same job for the past 2 1/2 years. I thought that maybe a new job away from her would help give us some alone time and would be a way for us to bond later talking shit when we got home or telling each other about our days. Ive expressed to her that I don’t want to work with her anymore. Not because I don’t like working with her but because I want some time away from her. She agreed that it would be a good idea and so I applied for and got the new job. Last week, though, she applied for the same job. She was offered 3 other positions in the store but took the one that I also have. She also put her availability the same as mine. She has been very excited to start and work with me and I haven’t had the heart to tell her how upset I am about the whole situation.

Anytime I try to express my feelings, ESPECIALLY if they’re negative, towards stuff like this she has a mental breakdown. She usually says how sorry she is and how she’s worthless and stupid. Anytime I’m upset I always end up having to comfort her. It has made me feel like I’m a horrible partner and like I’m mean to her. I have felt like I shouldn’t express anger or frustration or any sort of negative emotion even if I’m doing so in a healthy manner. I’ve felt like IM the one at fault and it’s made me think I’m crazy. Lately I’ve felt like I’m losing my grip on reality because she’ll turn my words back on me or twist them to put different meaning/intentions on what I said. Her mental health is so bad that she can go MONTHS with out brushing her teeth and she frequently doesn’t shower. I understand hygiene can be hard when dealing with a mental illness. I deal with it too sometimes. And I feel bad saying this but I find it gross honestly. I don’t want to kiss someone who hasn’t brushed their teeth in weeks. I even remind her frequently or ask her to join me in the shower.

In addition to making sure she showers and changes her clothes and brushes her teeth, I do all the household chores. I do the laundry, cook, clean, and tidy up every night. I cook basically ever meal because she says cooking is too hard for her and it makes her anxious. Her ONE chore is to do the dishes and she usually never does so I just end up doing them. I talked to her about this before but she usually just ends up crying and saying how it’s hard for her and that she’s been trying really hard and no one seems to understand her struggles. Once again I will usually have to comfort her. I usually just do them because it’s easier than having to comfort her and I want to avoid the whole thing.

The cherry on top too is our sex life is horrible. I haven’t finished once in our entire 7year relationship. It’s made me feel broken and like something is wrong with me. I’ve only just now realized that she just doesn’t listen to me. I’ve tried so many times to guide her in the right direction by telling her what feels good and what doesn’t. I’ve tried telling her exactly how I want it to go or what I want to happen during before we start. I just feel like nothing works. Like no matter how much I communicate or guide her that she just won’t understand. I want to stop feeling broken and grossed out by my own body. And I’ve tried to tell her this but once again…… mental breakdown: im sorry I’m a horrible person, I ruined everything. And then I end up feeling worse and like it’s my fault.

Even though I’m mostly complaining here I really do love her. She’s my best friend and I really want to be able to fix things I just don’t know how. We’ve had so many great times together and she knows me better that anyone. I know that I’ve said a lot of bad things about her here and I feel horrible for even making this post but I’m really at my wits end. I don’t have anyone to talk to and I need help. I think I want to leave her but I don’t know how. She refuses to get serious about money so she’s burnt through most of mine. I have no friends and I don’t have a good relationship with my family. I feel so alone and unheard. I need advice on what to do. Any opinions are welcome and needed.

TLDR; I recently realized my relationship with my gf is pretty toxic. I wanna fix it but don’t know how so I’ve been considering leaving her but I have no friends family or money. I need advice on how to proceed.

Submitted May 31, 2022 at 06:07PM by OtherRoll8603 https://ift.tt/8V6GsRq