My girlfriend and I have been together for 3,5 years now, but over the past 2 months or so, I've just felt myself losing the spark. I can't bring myself to do finish things off. Yesterday we spoke on the phone, and she started crying and talking about how she didn't feel loved. I didn't know what to respond. She asked if I still loved her, and I was just quiet. But she kept on asking and asking and I couldn't bring myself to say anything else so I told her I did. She said "do you want to break up with me? Please say no" with her voice breaking and her crying which literally tore me up inside. I had my first panic attack last night. I had one this morning, too, as I woke up to 10 missed calls, a bunch of texts and her saying she would be coming to my city right away (we live about an hour's drive apart), and so I called her and told her I'd come to her instead. Of course I want to talk to her about this irl rather than on the phone. But she's so convinced that we're gonna fix this and it's all gonna be okay, and she keeps constantly texting me asking "do you love me?" and I just don't know what to say. We have so many plans, I'm graduating next week damn it. She was self harming before I met her, and I'm also afraid that she'll go back to that if we break up, or even worse. She keeps reminding me in these past 12 hours that I'm the only one she'll ever love and she can only get through her day as long as I'm with her.
For the first time in 19 years, I feel depressed. I feel like I'm carrying the world on my shoulders, and no one is helping. I feel sick in my stomach, I can't think straight, everything is dizzy, I'm hyperventilating, and yet I can't bring myself to it. What the fuck is wrong with me, what the fuck is wrong with everything? How did I end up here?
TL;DR I want to break up with my girlfriend but I can't bring myself to it because I'm afraid of how she will react
Submitted June 07, 2022 at 11:25PM by aleboli https://ift.tt/utNema6
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