My GF (20F) and I (23M) are in both of our first real relationships. We've been together for 27 days. I adore her. As of now, I think short of her money making potential and large religious gap from her family, there's no reason I wouldn't want to spend a long time in a relationship with her, if not get married.
For her religion, she's been straying but her entire family is extremely devout Christian, I'm agnostic. If they found out about our relationship, they would be heartbroken and put a lot of pressure on her to break up. I can tell they love her a lot and treat her very well, so it's not a situation where "f*** the family and stay with her if you love her" is a valid/considerate response. If/when they find out about me, it would cause significant tensions between my gf and her family. I would feel really bad about that because loving families are really really hard to come by.
This difference in religion is causing me to worry about a breakup all the time. She was my best friend for a whole month before we started dating, and I worry that if family circumstances cause a breakup I would both lose the best friend I've made in college and my girlfriend in one moment. I also worry that this relationship won't have been worth it to her, if she handles the breakup really poorly and takes a long time to recover. For the first 2-3 weeks of the relationship, I thought the odds of us breaking up were 90-100%. I asked her once and she said 85%. It's trending lower but it's still on my mind all the time.
Going back to the title, we drank together yesterday and while she was drunk, she said a lot of things that made me realize she likes me a LOT more than I thought. Things like how she wants to spend forever together, how she thinks about me all the time, eloping and getting married (not completely serious, I hope), and having kids and such. As much as I liked her, her words also made me really sad because her family's disapproval is always in the bad of my mind. I felt like crying for a couple minutes but held it back. I think i was sad because how much she likes me made me realize how much the potential breakup would suck for both of us if it ended up happening.
Here are the questions: 1. Any advice on my situation? I'm in a new but very loving/promising relationship right now, but worry might end because of family incompatibility. We could stay together with a fight but the fight doesn't inspire me since it would sour my gf's treasured family relationships. How do I think about this? Anyone have relevant anecdotes? What would you advise me to do if i were your son? 2. On a complete tangent, since it's my first relationship recently I've done some stupid things that the gf told me were an issue and I've since corrected. Including: - I say everything that comes to mind. Sometimes when I massage her or cuddle I'm reminded of girls I've massaged or cuddled (platonically just for touch, never had sex) and their names pop up in the conversation. She didn't like that, I think because it makes her feel not special, and eventually she brought it up and I stopped. in hindsight it's very stupid, but i just needed to be told once. - I think she has fallen harder for me than I have for her. I've mentioned this a couple times to her but she told me today it makes her feel insecure. I like her a lot, but I don't think as much as she likes me. What do I do? Pretend and say that like her more? Divert the conversation if the topic comes up? Correct my mindset and stop making comparisons? I don't really want to lie or conceal if at all possible. Anyone have any obvious nono's for me so I can stop being an idiot?
Note: - she knows about most of these thoughts, I'm very open with her, although sometimes I realize that's stupid in hindsight.
TL;DR 1. What do I do about the fact that gf's family would disapprove of me? 2. Any dumb bf things that are no Brainers but not be obvious for a dense idiot like me?
Submitted June 03, 2022 at 10:31AM by fumingelephant https://ift.tt/YLAW205
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