As the title states, she bought a camper and left. She didn't go far, she's still around. She come to visit and texts me. She calls and tells me about her day. But she doesn't show me affection or reciprocate "I love you" to me because thats "confusing." But she says that she cares and that I'm her best friend. It feels like I've been friend zoned by my wife.
I don't like any of this. I know she is going through a lot of mental health problems, and that she's been diagnosed bipolar and they are messing with medications right now. She had been attending therapy and the traumas being reintroduced to her fresh memory have really been hard on my relationship. She's an assault victim of the past and already had a low libido.
They put her on Paxil and that really messed with her and what has brought out this bipolar disorder so hard. I'm reading a book currently about how to love a partner with bipolar disorder so that I am better equipped.
But she still left. She drove hours away and bought a van and tried to leave, initially, without telling me. She walked in crying and having a panic attack. I had to calm her down and stay strong through the sudden "I don't want to be here." cries in order to learn about the van. I told her I love her and she's my best friend and I support her. She still wears her ring and comes around to hangout.
I invited her over for drinks and dinner tonight, and she plans on coming. I want to have a good time, as shes currently associating me with sadness. In her new escape pod, she feels control and is happy.
Unfortunately with my current line of work, I am gone a lot. I am overworked, tired, and not around as much as I would like. Our relationship was strong enough to handle this temporary change, as I'm at the end and nearly back to having regular days off. Just one more month.. maybe 2. So while I have these days off now for my covid booster and reactions to it, I can't always do this delicate eggshell dance to spend time with her. I go in at 6 am and get home after 7 most days. I do this for 14-20 days straight before I'm bestowed an at home day.
And of course with all of this going on, I personally am not okay. My anxiety just doubled tenfold over night. I went to go to goodwill with her yesterday to help her with the van, (can't beat'm, join'm. I want to support her.) but I had a full on panic attack just from being out and a feeling of impending doom.
I'm trying to give her space. To let her medicine kick in and control mood swings, to let her get her control and world back in order. The world of mental is a scary and confusing place. I want to help her and ultimately see her return home, or some kind of happy medium. I have lost my sense of adventure and I know that she needs those things. The day hikes, the camping, the trips. I just needed a year to establish a career but things in the background have come piling up against me. I'm not sure I can make it another two months at work in my current state. I'm in a crisis.
I suggested couples therapy, but she is against it as she is also a therapist (different kind) and knows that it's usually in favor of the man in the relationship. That's not me and not her. She's also in her own therapies often and this is one more thing. I suggested therapy, together. Not necessarily couples or marriage counseling, but therapy together with a mediator. To talk about our own traumas and feelings in the same room so we can better understand what's happening. We'll see..
So, here I am asking the strangers of the internet. I know what I want. I just need help getting (us) there and getting through this immediate crisis.
TL;DR - She's diagnosed bipolar and starting medications, and staying nearby. I am an anxious mess and I want to support her through this, but it is hard.
Submitted December 01, 2021 at 01:49AM by AnonHusbando https://ift.tt/3EoTb2Q
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