Me (23M) and my (23M) best friend like the same (23F) close friend. I don't want to mess anything up since I was finally in a good place before he admitted his feelings for her. What should I do now?

TL; DR: Me (23M), my friend (23M) and this girl (23F) are really close and share everything with each other. I had been in love with her for a good 1 year but I never admitted my feelings to her but she told me she knew all along. This was about 10 months ago. My friend knows all this. But some 4-5 months, when she stayed with him and his family for couple weeks he developed feelings for her. Yesterday he told me he's going to tell her but wanted to let me know first. For some reason I'm feeling empty and confused and don't know what I should do.

So now for the long version of the story. All 3 of us met each and grew close almost together- about 2 years ago in college. It was normal college stuff that we did together- doing assignments, projects, catching a movie, breaking the hostel curfew hours etc. However it was never just the 3 of us, it was always with the same mutual friends. She has immigrated to another country this year. It wasn't sudden or anything. And she worked hard to kick start her life there by getting into an Ivy League there. (Her being so ambitious is one of the reasons I like her so much).

The first year I knew her, I didn't have any feelings for her. I even pushed her to date somebody since she was so focused on getting into this Ivy League that she was not ready to see what life should be about. And from her point of view it made sense since she's not wealthy or anything. It really is a survival thing for her there. The good thing is the hardwork paid off so she's gotten an internship in a good firm now which will most likely get converted into a return offer.

Anyways after a year or so I began to develop feelings for her. But I decided not to tell her since I know, rationally speaking, she can do better, way better. I never told her but I cherished every moment I spent with her (maybe more because I knew this was temporary and she would be gone at some point) and will continue to cherish those.

Sometime this January, we were texting about nonsense. One thing led to another and she told me she knows I like her and this wasn't recent- it was something which she knew long ago. I obviously ask her what she feels and she says she doesn't know and likes this good friendship that we have. So I tell her it's okay since I knew it was going to be a "No" all along. But then she goes out of her way to tell me that she can't say "No" or "Yes" because she knew she's moving away from the country and because it wouldn't be practical, she consciously never allowed any thought of a romantic relationship get into her.

We went back and forth where I told her it's okay to reject me since I had already accepted it in my head and her telling it to me would just solidify that closure. She just wouldn't budge. At the end of the conversation, she told me she wants to keep open a slight possibility of us getting together in the future. I was on cloud nine when she told me this. However the next day, she told me that she was wrong to say such a thing because it would have been like she's controlling my life and she has no right of doing that. We should just call it what it is- a friendship. I am not going to lie. It hurt but I do like the fact that she was upfront about it and didn't lead me on.

When we were talking, we discussed a lot of things- if it would be feasible to give it a shot. She mentioned that she "thinks" my friend likes her too. I laugh it off and tell her she's imagining things. She insisted but I wasn't ready to even consider the fact. She tells me she's not imagining this stuff but it's a different topic which we can discuss maybe sometime else. My friend knows all this because like I said earlier we all share everything with each other. He told me it's just a big misunderstanding and he will clear it up with her. I believe him when he says he didn't have any feelings. I believe him because I just never felt it and on top of that he's a kind hearted person. He will help you no matter who you are. I have seen him help people who literally only call him when they need his help. So it is easy to mistake him having a kind and helping nature with him having feelings for you.

Some background to make the next paragraph make sense. Some 6 months ago, we all went on a trip with the same set of mutual friends that I mentioned earlier. This was just before her flight. After returning from the trip, she had to wrap up pending stuff- like bills, meeting relatives, etc before her flight. So she stayed with him and his family for a couple weeks.

Okay so yesterday, my friend calls me. We call each other once or maybe twice a week to rant about our jobs and just talk nonsense. So we did that for a couple minutes and then he told me he wants to tell me something. He said that when she stayed at his home for a couple weeks, he developed feelings for her. Once they were alone and talking, he kinda hinted that he liked her. The exact hint wouldn't make sense since it was a cultural thing but it was something that made clear what he meant when he said that. He told me that she got awkward and there was a complete silence for sometime before he sweeped it under the rug and brought up some other thing to talk about. He told me it's eating him up since then and wants to tell her how he feels.

He assured me no matter what her answer is, it would change nothing between me and him since he's happy to have somebody he can rely on no matter what the situation is. I reciprocate that. He told me first since it would not have been right for it to come from somebody else.

I still talk to her maybe once or twice and also send each other pics of things happening around us. I was finally in a place where I was okay with the situation. She doesn't want to get together but I'm fine with having a friend like her. She tells me about her new friends and college and stuff. I even tell her to consider starting dating since she's finally in the Ivy League she wanted. The point is, I'm okay picturing her with some other person that will make her happy. I just didn't imagine that that person could be someone I know let alone my best friend.

I know it's on me to be okay with them being together. It's just taking more time than I had imagined. I just want to make sure I don't lose either of them. They're some of the most important people in my life and I don't want to do anything that might change that. I don't know what I should do now. Should I tell them it's okay if they want to be together or should I just treat it as an extra detail of their lives that doesn't concern me?

Submitted December 04, 2021 at 10:29PM by PresentationAfraid64 https://ift.tt/3rwCizU