I (30f) have cancer. My partner (56m) believes he has the right to see others until I get well again. Is our relationship over and completely ruined?

On September 2020 I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and also with metastatic cancer in my lung (I had cancer as a kid and though extremely rare, it came back 20 years later). I've had a single mastectomy, biopsies, chemotherapy, another surgery and I'm now awaiting further treatment. Through all of this, I've had my partner of 3 years helping me with everything-we don't live in the same house but there is nothing he hasn't done to help me, around the house, driving me to the hospital on emergencies, taking care of me after my surgeries etc. Inevitably, me having cancer has brought a lot of changes in myself, including a massive lack of self esteem and worth due to the changes to my appearance, and our relationship, as we haven't had sex since September-we didn't discuss and still haven't discussed that, it just happened and it makes sense to me why as I don't feel desirable in any way.

I have accepted that my life has changed forever, and even when the cancer is gone-hopefully-I will still have to face breast reconstruction surgery etc. and tattoos to cover up the scars. I'm in for a long haul. My partner hopes that everything will eventually go back to how they were before and claims that he will be "waiting" for me no matter what and for how long. At the same time, I have come to understand that he uses a dating app and he occasionally meets with other women for sex. I of course feel hurt but at the same time I feel like I cannot demand that he doesn't have sex with anyone else until I'm well enough again. I feel like that would be too selfish of me as I honestly feel like I don't have much to offer at the moment, in my situation.

I have asked him about it and he said that he isn't looking for a girlfriend. He says that I probably cannot really understand it because I'm young but at his age he feels like every passing month counts and he wants to enjoy sex before he gets too old. He says that it's just sex and it's no big deal to him, that there is no one "steady" he meets with. He doesn't want to end the relationship and though I'm not sure how to feel about the idea of him sleeping around, I don't want either and I'm grateful for the fact that he has been and still is there for me, always. I'm starting to think about the time when I won't have just my health to worry about and will be ready to be there more as a partner. Do you think that our relationship is ruined forever? Is any of us right or are we both in the wrong/too selfish?

TL;DR 30f/56m in a long relationship. I (f) have cancer and my partner thinks that it is okay and not really cheating to see others until I'm fine. Is any of us right and can our relationship be saved?

Submitted March 24, 2021 at 04:01PM by hhansethrowaway https://ift.tt/3vXCN5W