I understand the irony that I'm 7 years older and I'm the one that is resisting the idea of having a baby, but I feel like my GF is so driven by her urge to have a baby that she ignores the ramafactions.
I love my GF and we have a good relationship, and the situation I am going to describe is an issue that I could choose to ignore because she would never force me to start a family before I want to. So what's the issue? Well, she is making daily comments about babies and I feel a bit like maybe I'm preventing her from living the life she wants by staying with her.
Before I go any further, I want to have children eventually. My only criteria is that I want to be in a stable relationship that has been going on for a while. Me and my girlfriend have been together just over a year, so I first and foremost think that is too early to make a life long commitment.
She doesn't object to this, and she is not pushing for trying to have a baby. We use birthcontrol and all that. But she will tell me daily about how her hormones acts up when she see a child, thinks about a child, there is a child on TV or in a song and the list goes on.
She is also having an issue that she think she doesnt' get paid enough at her job. This she talks about everyday as well. and if she were to go on parental leave, she would recieve 80% of 80% of the salary that she thinks is too low.
And I'm sorry for this next part, I don't feel great about writing it but I think it matters for the context. According to me she is also very sensitive for any sort of discomfort, like if she is hungry, cold, tired, annoyed etc. This affects her more than the average person. I think most people can sit through those emotions at least for a while but she can't, if any of those things happens to her it destroys her mood. So when everything is perfectly aligned, she is the best, but if anything sets her off, she gets into a foul mood.
So what does this have to do with having a baby? As far as I can tell, it adds a ton of stress to the parents. They don't get to sleep enough, they have assumed the biggest responsibility that a person can get, so with all the above I don't think the child would grow up in a positive enviorment, the child would have two shattered parents. I have talked to my GF about her sensitivity to discomfort, but she thinks that the reward of having a child will override all the stress that it causes. I just haven't met any parents in real life that was like that, all of them have been put under tremendous stress.
So, for me, it's not certain that I want to have children before this improves, like I feel that we have to be super stable so that we have leverage for the stress that comes, we can't already be stressed and then add more stress.
But I'm a man, I don't have any hormones that promotes me to have children (at least not yet) but my GF is feeling like time is running out for her. She has said that if she doesn't have children when she is 30, she might as well not have any because she missed her oppurtunity.
All of this above has made me feel gulity, because she might be waiting for something that may not happen with me. What do I do?
TLDR GF wants a baby but I don't think we are ready. I also can't gurantee that I want one at all if things don't improve and that has made me feel guility about staying with her because someone else might be able to promise children
Submitted December 04, 2020 at 01:57AM by throwralosingitt https://ift.tt/37z9vPD
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