With California on the verge of going into another quarantine lockdown, I (28F) strongly fear that this will be the breaking point in our (27B) 4+ year relationship.

My boyfriend (27M) and I (28F) moved to Los Angeles at the beginning of the year and since have been struggling financially. With California on the verge of going into another quarantine lockdown, I strongly fear that this will be the breaking point in our 4+ year relationship.

Backstory – From the beginning of our relationship, I have always been steps ahead in life. For example, I was a senior in college before he began, I showed him how to apply for financial aid, his 1st car is under my name, our apartment is under my name, I’m in my career, etc. I have always known this, but it didn’t matter to me so because we weren’t in the position of thinking about marriage. Now that we are getting closer, it has become a major topic in my mind.

I do not have any qualms or problems with Steve being a few steps behind me unless he becomes stagnant. If you show me that you have a plan and a goal, then I’m okay. I do not want a relationship where it’s 1 sided. This was all spoken about when I was offered a job opportunity in Los Angeles – how we both need to hustle, need to switch up our spending routine, and how it was going to be hard but if we want it, we need to do it. We promised each other this.

We moved to Los Angeles in January 2020 and then went into quarantine 2 months later. Steve, who was working as a server, was left without a job for 4 months. During this time, I have never been so stressed for money in my life. I was literally paying for my bills, our entire rent, and his bills. My bank account plummeted as well as my self-esteem, my confidence, and my love for Steve. I sat Steve down multiple times to break up with him but, how could I? The quarantine was not his fault. He could not bring in money unless he was ubering, which he was doing almost every day. I could not find it in my heart to let him go.

Current Situation – Steve and I have been in a good place. Since coming out of quarantine, Steve landed an unpaid internship with a music label, he is building up a savings account, and has shown initiative. The bad news came yesterday when it was announced that the state of California will be shutting down for 3 weeks, most likely, which means Steve will again be without a job. I immediately broke down and had to take a walk because I felt an anxiety attack come up. I do not know what I am going to do if Steve is without a job for another month or two…I haven’t been able to build my savings to what it used to be, I am still behind on a few payments, and am in no way shape or form able to pay for our bills again. I can’t seem to not be angry that I am the one going into a financial hole while Steve isn’t. I absolutely hate the fact that I’m debating our relationship over money, but this is what it’s come to. Never in the 4+ years of our relationship have I been able to depend on Steve financially so has this relationship always been 1 sided?

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tl;dr: Mandatory summary/question

My boyfriend and I made it through quarantine earlier this year yet with another lockdown around the corner, I fear that it may be the beginning of our end.

Submitted November 23, 2020 at 02:31PM by cicisanchi https://ift.tt/2UU3fft