My [26M] long-distance girlfriend [25M] cries daily and I find myself wanting to break up with her. Is this just a phase?

tl;dr - Girlfriend cries daily due to anxiety, find myself wanting to be alone. Moving to new state for a job, she wants to follow me there, says it will fix things.

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We met about 10 months ago, and have been long distance for basically the entire relationship, living 8 hours apart and driving to make it work once the pandemic hit, so the relationship has been strained. We facetime every single night, and see each other every 4-5 weekends.

I just accepted a new job in Connecticut, far away from the area of the country that either of us have lived in. She is finishing up grad school, and is looking for internships/jobs nearby so we can have a go at seeing what it’s like actually living within an hour of each other.

However, her anxiety and depression just keep getting worse. She is an only child, and her parents were not great at building her confidence, trying at times to sabotage her career aspirations and our relationship in order to keep her in her hometown. They treat her like a kid, and try to run her life, and she has expressed feeling like a little kid, feeling stuck, etc.

She says things like the uncertainty of her future is crippling, she thinks she can’t handle it, she hates the uncertainty, etc, so she cries nearly every night telling me how she’s scared and doesn’t know what to do, but she’s also adamant on finding a job in Connecticut to make us work, while also sobbing and telling me she can’t do long distance for much longer.

I keep trying to gently steer her in the direction of a therapist with experience in transitioning to adulthood (her current therapist is from her school and just listens, but doesn’t help with coping/life strategies) but she gets offended and says everyone in her life wants to fix her.

I find myself wanting to get off our facetimes as fast as possible, while she asks me to keep it on all night while we sleep because she can’t deal with being alone at night. Just tonight when she asked if she could come see me soon, my first thought was that I don’t really want to. The last weekend we hung out she broke down crying four times, and seems to think that being together in person will solve her problems, but I really just think it’s a distraction at best. I find myself dreaming of a night where I can just lay in bed alone and not have to get on facetime and see her crying, and the thought of her coming to visit and having to try to emotionally support her and be there while I’m starting a new job sounds really stressful.

There’s a small part of me that thinks if she can get out of her childhood home and move to Connecticut that she can grow and find peace, and I do really enjoy being around her when she’s happy. But there’s a growing part of me that thinks her anxiety will be a lifelong battle and that I should end the relationship before she makes a major life decision around me.

What do I do?

How do I assess this relationship?

If I break up with her, she has a pretty crappy support system except a few friends, and I’m worried about her.

Submitted November 24, 2020 at 09:52PM by Charming_Travel_8414 https://ift.tt/3m5yUpT