TL;DR at the bottom.
We’d been dating for a while and things were going pretty well. We had some disagreements about our living situations because I had just moved to a new place with two roommates: a gay guy and a straight woman. We had talked briefly before moving in that we weren’t ready to live together and he was searching for options with some guys. He had told me later on that he was going to live with his best friend (gay male) and a woman who was their drug dealer. This was weird because he said he didn’t want to live with me, but he’s living with another woman and it’s uncomfortable knowing if we’re going to spend time at his new place, there’s a risk of getting caught with drugs. I’ve been trying to finish up my degree and have been looking for a full time job, so I didn’t want any trouble. I knew he smoked weed and had done other things in the past, but we had an understanding that either of us didn’t have to partake if we weren’t comfortable (FYI don’t have a problem with weed but I don’t want to get charges on my record, especially bc I am a WOC). I expressed how I felt to him about it and he said he just “wants free weed” and he feels there’s nothing to worry about because the woman will have the master and that it’s on the other side of the house. He didn’t see the problem because I live with a man now, but I told him he’s gay and there would never be any type of sexual interaction because of that. This woman he’s smoked her out a few times, been a shoulder to cry on for her and stopped in the middle of his day to run errands/get gas for her and he says those are “friendly gestures.
Issue was let go until I had went over to his place after he’d asked me over and to pick up his friend, and I walked in to him sniffing nitrous oxide (the laughing gas they give you at the dentist) from balloons and a HUGE tank of it in the living room. Idek where you get that? He never said anything about it prior. So I pulled him aside and said this is really uncomfortable and I’m leaving. He didn’t see much of the problem with it. After that, I started to change my mind about the living situation thing and he tried a few times to get me comfortable around the woman and saying this choice made him happy but if he wanted me to, he’d find other roommates. I felt torn but I said fine it’s okay because I could tell he didn’t want to find other ones. That was a mistake. I understood his perspective but I felt it was best to let the relationship go because it’s causing me a lot of stress (I work multiple jobs while in school and he’s in school too but not serious) and it’s just not a risk I could live with being around. Then he tells me that he loves me (for the first time in our relationship) and has been meaning to tell me that he loved me and that he wants to fight for us. So we don’t break up.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when he neglected to tell me plans came up and we had a fight about it. He literally left my house in the middle of the night. We talked it out, but then it turned into him forgetting dates because he was “playing cards with the guys” or whatever. I’m really tired and stressed by the end of the day and I look forward to seeing him when we do have plans but my response to that was not positive and he apologized. He did it again and this time acted like we had no plans at all when I asked him “hey don’t you remember we had plans?” He said “oh why didn’t you remind me earlier?” I said I can’t deal with him doing that and being so disrespectful, I needed a break. He said nothing.
When he didn’t show up to come help me move some things at my place (we agreed to this before the fight), I took it as being stood up. I texted him the next day and asked “are you wanting to work on things or just break up because you didn’t come?” He said “breakup or not I still want to be friends and be there for you” and then asked if I wanted to come to a gathering at his friend’s place and not think about the argument. I said no. I packed his things up and put it on the porch and told him to come get it.
He knocked on my door to tell me I forgot a DVD and then says a big speech about how he will miss me and that I don’t communicate with him when I am upset, that he’s an introvert and forgetful, and that I don’t tend to look on the bright side of things and that he wanted to make it work. And I said “how? You’ve been standing me up. You didn’t even say anything and then asked me to come to you. That’s humiliating.” He said he didn’t come over because he knew I was still mad and that he did respond to me when I said I needed space from the situation and he agreed to space but because I didn’t respond to HIM he felt like I was still angry. I didn’t have any response from him in my phone. None. He showed me his phone and it looked like he did respond but I’ve had iPhones for years and an unreceived message has never happened. The response he was referring to agreed with me that having a bit of a break was best because he felt I was being too emotional. I told him I seriously never got that message and would have reacted differently if I had. (I have since tried to work with a tech to recover any missed or deleted messages and it still never came up)
So at that point I feel stupid and I’m crying and saying it was a misunderstanding. Can we talk it out? And he says no, he’s already got all his stuff in the car so it’s done, this isn’t going to work bc we’ll keep arguing and he doesn’t know what he wants out of his life right now and I deserve better (COME ON). I pleaded with him. And he said he needs a few days to think it over. We also had (pre made) plans to go on a trip I’d already paid for and he seemed to want to pay me back but I said no not until we take a couple days.
On the day of the trip, I didn’t hear from him, so I called him. He said that he was too scared to call me, that he missed me, but he thinks that were going to fight again so we need to say goodbye. He said that he already knew this but didn’t have the courage to tell me and wanted to tell me in person over lunch (even though it was already morning). He said I was too insecure about his new living situation and my response to his “message” was so overreacted (meaning asking him to get his things). So we broke up for good. I was very upset because he couldn’t even call me himself and did you even love me if you basically act like you don’t care. He said he knows I’m mad and isn’t holding what I said against me. But also, what the fuck?
I feel like this whole thing flipped on me for breaking things off, and that he was trying to make me feel bad for ending things. I genuinely feel mindfucked. Was that an overreaction or did I have a right to do that? Is this all my fault? I still think there was an extreme lack of communication.
TLDR: I broke up with my boyfriend after he stood me up again after a few times and after he professed his love for me. He says he actually didn’t stand me up and that I overreacted to a message he sent me that I never received. I tried to explain my case and he left me.
Submitted November 24, 2020 at 06:06AM by dancedance_83 https://ift.tt/3pWgcn9
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