My (24f) boyfriend (27m) tried to coerce me into a threesome with a mutual friend (24f) on Halloween

Reddit,

TL;DR: This weekend my boyfriend tried to coerce me into having a threesome with a mutual friend.

For reference, I am pansexual and I have had sexual relations with women before, although never threesomes. I have told him several times that I hate threesomes. I don't have anything against them, I just don't like them, I don't want one, and I hate that people always ask me to participate in them because I am queer. I even mentioned that to him and our other friends that night in conversation, so its not like he could have forgotten.

For a little backstory, he has known our mutual friend longer, and apparently before we dated he matched with her on Tinder a couple times and was interested in seeing her. She never showed any interest in him. He has made several comments throughout the course of our relationship about her looks, but never expressed any direct sexual interest in her. He also knows she is bisexual and has participated in group sex before, which is supposedly why he thought she was a good candidate for a threesome.

This weekend a few friends of ours hosted a small get together for Halloween. We carpooled with our mutual friend to the AirBnB where we all slept on the same floor. All of us in the friend group were all up very late on Halloween night, as we wanted to be awake for the extra hour we got at 2:00am.

As it got later and our other friends went to bed, my boyfriend started making comments of a sexual nature about our mutual friend. He kept bringing up that he thought our friend was interested in me sexually, and asked me what I thought was going to happen with her that night, etc.

Before we went to bed, the three of us were chatting in our room when my boyfriend started to rub me sexually under the covers, in front of her. I don't know if she noticed, but if she did she didn't say or do anything about it. I went up to go to the bathroom, and when I came back and laid down with him, he had an erection still.

Eventually our friend went to bed, leaving just myself and my boyfriend. He seemed disappointed that we didn't have a threesome. We had sex that night, and it seemed like he was trying to make me loud on purpose, like he was trying to show off his sexual prowess to our friend who was in her bed in the next room. I may be overthinking that part, but that's what it felt like to me at the time. I even asked him that during, and he just smirked at me...

We went home the next morning and nothing was said about it, mostly because I spent most of the day catching up on sleep. This morning I woke up upset and cried in the bathroom. My boyfriend didn't know why I was upset. When I told him that I was upset that he tried to coerce me into a threesome with our friend, he said he didn't mean to, that it was a mistake, etc.

I don't really buy his apology. At least, I don't think he will make good on it. This is several times now that he has brought up including others in our sex life Mostly he brings up me having sex with other people while he watches, or him having sexual relationships with sugar daddies. It was a problem, but it wasn't terrible because he doesn't have the time or the will to actually sugar, and I can just choose not to have sex with other people.

I'm starting to think that we are fundamentally sexually incompatible. All of the other women he has dated have been non-monogamous- cheaters, sex workers, etc. He says he's satisfied with me, and that he only needs me, but... he won't stop bringing up adding other people into the mix when he starts to get really wired up, even when I've told him to stop.

I feel humiliated and undesirable. I feel like my friendship with our mutual friend is irreparably damaged because all I can think about when I get a text from her now is that my boyfriend wants to have sex with her, and that I'm second choice to her. I don't know what to do. I feel completely helpless in capturing my boyfriend's attention and fidelity. I don't know how I can trust him again after he got so close to cheating on me with our friend.

Is there anything I can do to get him to stop with the extra-curricular sex stuff? Is this just how he is? I'm starting to think he has a fetish for non-monogamy, which is very distressing to me, because we both agreed to a monogamous relationship. Reddit, help.

Submitted November 02, 2020 at 02:45PM by kittylover3000 https://ift.tt/2HXUbmM