Re- post with ages.
Last year I left my abusive husband (31M) and my toxic church. An acquaintance in that church heard some of my story from a friend and encouraged me to stay at her home while I was divorcing for my safety. I said no a few times but she kept pushing. So I changed my answer to a yes. I should have stuck with my answer but I wasn't very strong then.
I stayed with her for 6 months and although she helped me a lot, it also became clear her boundaries were poor and got really enmeshed in all my life decisions while I lived with her. She started telling me she didn't approve of certain friends and even my own mom and dad. She didn't think they were doing enough to help me. They're not perfect but they are my support system and they were trying. She helped me find my current job and is related to one of my bosses.
When I moved out, she started just showing up at my apartment with agendas to push me a certain direction with friends choices and how to handle the dynamics of leaving my toxic church. She would tell me people were gossiping about me, favored my ex husband and I needed to go back to the church and set the record straight. I didn't want to. I don't care what they think.
Eventually I asked her to not show up unannounced as I like to be a planner. She did stop. I have been trying to let things fade ever since. She still calls sometimes though and is always inviting me over. I don't pick up the phone often. The last time I did she told me she had been "investigating" something and had found the name of a woman she thinks my ex cheated on me with. I already knew all about it. I told her I was trying to move on and didn't want to think about it.
I haven't mentioned my new relationship to her for almost a year because I know she won't approve of him even though he is a great guy. I don't want her to "investigate" him. I think she heard from another friend about it over the weekend and first thing 7:00am this morning I get a message to call her back.
I can't decide which is worse; an awkward phone call about it or her doing a drive by to check up on me if I don't respond. She will be upset if my boyfriend is staying over (he's from out of state) when she comes by and will probably make him really uncomfortable. She is very conservative. I know this is all super unhealthy but I can't find a way out. How do I get my privacy back? I don't want to seem ungrateful for her help. I'm afraid she will make things difficult for me at work if I get her mad.
TL;DR: There's a woman in my life who did me a big favor once. Now she wants to be involved in the details of my life and I don't want to be and she hasn't gotten the hint I am trying to distance myself.
Submitted November 02, 2020 at 01:38PM by papergirl222 https://ift.tt/2TNd6mD
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