I don’t know if I (33M) can continue to hold my head up for my wife (32F) and myself after this awful year. I’m so exhausted and don’t know if I can keep it up. How can I do better?

Like it has been for many people, 2020 has been a hellish year.

I feel bad even thinking about complaining about it because I know many have it far worse. My problems are likely minuscule in comparison and it makes me feel guilty to even feel bad about it. This year has just been the perfect example of the death by a thousand cuts metaphor, it’s just been one thing after another and I am so exhausted and cannot find the energy anymore.

The main issue has been my wife’s struggles. Prior to COVID happening, she had built a very successful career in the international tourism industry. As you can imagine, that whole world has been turned upside down and is essentially nonexistent at this point. Her job and 90% of the other jobs at her old employer now no longer exist. She’s tried so hard to find something else, but there just doesn’t seem to be anything. She took a part time job in retail while she continues to look and I can tell each day how demoralizing it is for her. I wish there was more I could do but I really can’t and it breaks my heart every day to see her both mentally and physically exhausted.

Not to get into any details but our hobbies have basically been cut off this year too. The things that we enjoyed doing and spent months planning basically no longer exist for now either. They’ll slowly come back into focus hopefully next year, but the timeline for that is of course not clear. It’s been tough to distract ourselves with what had been positive in the past, and given that it’s not that great of an idea to really go out anymore, it’s been tough to find other distractions that aren’t at home either.

The reluctance of everyone to even acknowledge that COVID exists and is a serious matter makes everything difficult as well. So many in our community in our area of the country treat it as if nothing is happening. They’re saying it’s some sort of a hoax, refuse to wear masks, continue to go out in large groups. Even worse than us losing jobs or personal pursuits, people are dying, and the vast majority don’t even care. It’s so demoralizing.

On top of this, so many other things have happened this year that have made it so hard. I lost a grandparent, we lost two beloved pets, a very good family friend tragically passed away at just thirty years old. I could go on, but it would be a list way too far to detail because it’s just so long.

My wife and I are just completely in a mental hole. I’ve managed to not entirely despair and somehow stay above water and not drain into depression, but I feel like it’s only out of some primal survival instinct. It’s on me to keep sane to retain my income, and it’s on me to be some source of sanity in the house. My wife is understandably always sullen and I feel like it’s on me to allow some semblance of positivity in the house.

I do well to hide it, but that’s slowly eroding away too. I’m just so exhausted mentally. I’m so glad there’s a light at the end of the tunnel now that there’s news of a vaccine. I don’t know how much longer I could hold up. This week is particularly hard, I’d love to see family but I know it’s just too dangerous. It makes me so angry that only those who are being reckless get to, while those of us being sensible with the virus don’t.

How can I better help my wife and keep us above water? I feel like I’m limping towards the finish line without knowing if I can make it or not.

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tl;dr: 2020 has been a terrible year for my wife and myself. We’ve lost jobs, hobbies, loved ones, and are having to deal with a lot of insensitivity all around us during COVID. I feel like I’m barely holding up and don’t have confidence in myself to do what I need throughout all this. How can I do better and stay above water?

Submitted November 23, 2020 at 07:34AM by TotalRocketed https://ift.tt/3fuiB3F