Boyfriend stops caring about me as soon as he starts going through something hard himself. Is it ok?

I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year. He has a dog that’s 10 years old and he means a lot to him. He’s been very ill and tonight he’ll have to put him down :(. I, as a dog owner myself, understand how horrible he must be feeling so I have been trying my absolute hardest to be there for him whenever he needs me. Background info: I’ve been depressed and anorexic, with toxic abusive parents and a lot of crap going on in my life, so I’m pretty often feeling down and am in need of support and most of the time he tries to give it to me.

But now that I know how much he’s going through, I decided to push myself to the side for now, don’t mention the stuff I’m going through and wear this fake smile for him to not be worried about me and for me to be the source of positivity for him. So I’ve been doing thing for a couple weeks and breaking down on my own almost everyday but still acting like I’m alright for him because I really didn’t want to burden him but to lift him up. He was often in need of support and so he would call me and sometimes I would literally be unable to do my assignments and go to university (for 3 days straight!).

But I was doing all this because I wanted to make him feel better. And then one day when we were together I DARED to say that I’ve been feeling pretty sad. Guess what his response was. He said „omg how can you be so selfish? You see how much I’m going through but still keep shoving your stuff in my face“ I felt really cheated on, and idk if it’s selfish of me to expect him to be kind to be, again, I wasn’t expecting him to become my therapist, but the thing is that he’s legit the only person I can turn to for comfort so it’s been really really hard for me. After a while I snapped him that I’m not okay with how he was acting, that I don’t deserve him getting so annoyed at me for just explaining my feelings.

He snapped at me. He started yelling that I’m selfish, that I only care for myself and that if I can’t take care of neither my emotions nor his, then we should stop talking for a while and start talking again when I’m more stable. In my opinion, no matter what, partners are supposed to support each other no matter what. Also he said that he talked to his friends about it and they say that he’s right and I’m wrong. But as I realized later, he only told them that his dog is dying and I was asking for his comfort as if i don’t care. But for me it is that I’ve been breaking down and having suicidal thoughts and still holding it back for him and when I was slightly unable to hide my feelings I got yelled at. AND ended up looking like a horrible person in his friends‘ eyes. And the next day I was so drained and mad at him, I wasn’t talking to him and I went to study and I fainted and when I got to the hospital I was told that my heart is really really weak and if I dress myself out too much, I might legit be in a lot trouble.

Now I’m just really confused about everything and I have no clue who’s right and who’s wrong. I feel like I really don’t deserve being treated like this after all I’ve been doing for him, but I still understand that he is going through a lot and I can’t ask for too much. What do I do?

TLDR: my boyfriend says it’s okay for him to completely focus on himself when he’s going through something and ignore my struggle completely. Whereas me, being depressed, anorexic and abused by parents daily, is constantly there for him, no matter at what cost.

Submitted November 04, 2020 at 12:31PM by Ok_Ad_4059 https://ift.tt/369lrGU