Me (34F) with my husband [39M] are headed towards a nasty place in our relationship, is our relationship salvageable?

My husband and I have been together for 6 years now.

I suppose a lot of my feelings began from the moment I had my first born. Without going to major details as it is quite long, I have lost trust in my husband and I will briefly tell you why. I told him how I felt about my MIL and that going to visit her would be a bad idea as she is not nice (toxic but I never said that word at the time) and it would affect my pregnancy. He didn’t listen. We went, crazy shit happened, I was traumatized. Next, I told my husband that MIL would show up unannounced and we need to be careful (this was after having my baby) and he said she wouldn’t. She did, she said some crazy things like she will sue us for not letting her see her grandchild (not true, we just wanted her to not show up whenever she wanted). I was traumatized again.

Fast forward to today, we went for a very lovely picnic with my MIL’s younger sister (as she’s normal and truly cares for us and respects us). I noticed my child was getting sleepy and will need to go home. We had already been at the park for maybe 3.5 hours. My kid never slept well and only recently slept through the night and he’s almost a year and a half. I knew that if we are late with his nap or skip it, it would be hard for him to sleep at home or he might get overtired in the evening and have a poor nights sleep. I told my husband we needed to go soon and he said he wanted to stay and have a walk at least. I told him again that our child needs to sleep soon and I even asked him to book a taxi. He heard me but he asked NOW? He made it clear he wanted to stay longer. I didn’t want to make drama because his aunt was there and if I booked the taxi without him actually agreeing with me, he would get really upset and it would seem very rude to the aunt as well. So I waited until my husband booked the taxi to go home. Of course my child was so tired he fell asleep in the taxi but an hour later than his usual nap. The ride was not long so he woke up quite fast. I tried putting him back to sleep but no dice. I knew this would happen so I said it aloud. My husband got mad at me and said why didn’t I do something about it then and booked a taxi on my own? He said I didn’t take action when I did tell him multiple times our child was tired and he needed to go. I even showed him my phone with the taxi app and I told him I didn’t know where to ask the taxi to stop at so he needed to do it himself on his own phone. I did try.

I was really upset at his reaction because I felt like he wasn’t owning up for his actions and pushing his responsibilities to me. I was very sad so I left the room. Our kid came out two hours later (didn’t sleep) and he came out too. He started agitatedly ask me what was wrong and that I ruined his day. That he had such a good time this morning but my face ruined it.

I calmly told him that if he wanted to communicate with me, that was not the way to make me talk. He kept talking and said I’m always like this and blaming him blah blah blah. At that point I didn’t want to stay anymore because I knew if I stayed, I would get to furious and disappointed that I’d want to divorce him. So I said I have to go otherwise we would get divorced. That got him really mad and he kept asking why I would say that. And before I left, he said that he couldn’t believe I said that. There was a lot that was said in between but to be honest, I’m so distraught that I don’t even remember half of it.

So here I am, at the park we usually take our kid to. Balling my eyes out. Half feeling guilty for leaving home and my child. The other half feeling so helpless.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to make him see that I’m really upset and all I needed was for him to own up and said sorry, should have listened to you. Because I really do want him to listen and take me seriously. And I don’t want to feel like every time I’m upset, I’m the problem. I’m allowed to have feelings. I’m allowed to feel sad and not being afraid of ruining someone’s day. I wish my husband loves me so much that he would stop whatever ego issue he has and just ask me if it’s ok and if there’s anything he can do to make me feel better.

I wanted to talk to my friends about this... but I realized there’s only one friend I can count on and she’s half way around the world and probably asleep right now. So here I am, Reddit. Please, please be nice.

Bottom line is, I want to make it work with my husband. I do. And I realize that leaving home isn’t helping but I didn’t want to stay in that toxic environment. I asked him to go to therapy with me many times but he refused. He thinks those people just scam us for money. (MIL has gotten therapy for decades and is still bat shit)

What is your advice? How do I make it work with my husband? I’m scared because I don’t want to divorce him. I love him but divorce has been ringing in my mind on and off for the last year. My post partum didn’t make things easier for me.

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tl;dr: My husband and I are having fights and I feel like he’s not hearing me out. I don’t feel heard and the way he reacts to me being upset is very aggressive and unkind. What can I do to salvage our relationship?

Submitted August 02, 2020 at 08:39AM by emmynona https://ift.tt/3gir4Xc