I posted this inR/Relationship_advice, but it got buried and I got only three replies so looking for advice here.
TLDR at Bottom This will be a long post.
I'm finally at a point where I can't stand this anymore. I've been in love with this woman for a very long time, maybe a couple of years at this point and I'm not sure if I should just kill it or attempt to make something with her.
I met my ex-wife, her sister, when I was 23-years-old and the relationship developed very quickly and by 26 I had my son and daugther and had gotten married. However, within months of being married my ex-wife had an affair, but worse than that the man she cheated with had gotten her into Heroin. After confronting her on this she said she was going to get help, but instead she left in the night. I haven't heard from her in 4 years and last I've heard she's still with that guy and are homeless in Las Vegas. Not sure how true that is, but being focused on holding it together for the kids, I really don't have the time to chase her down, nor do I want to after what she pulled.
I ended up getting a divorce in absentia. I did however maintain a very positive relationship with my inlaws after the fact. Every other weekend my kids stay over with their grandparents on that side and they pretty much treat me like a son still, I still go to parties at Christmas and am reasonably liked by the family. Nobody talks about my ex anymore mainly to not worry my kids. My oldest, my son is very hurt by his mother leaving. He's 9 now and I've had to get therapy for him after he told me he hoped his mother was dead. She had been getting verbally abusive toward the end which was when he was around 5 or 6
Anyhow, in the year following my ex leaving, her sister and my her boyfriend had started coming around a lot to see the kids. They knew I worked a lot and would babysit and call it practice as they wanted to have children of their own. My kids love them and were spoiled by them, which I didn't mind because we all needed a little positivity. They got married and were very in love. However, her husband was killed in a workplace accident shortly after the birth of their daughter.
It has been extremely rough and painful for everyone involved as one can imagine. I followed my Sil's example and began to take her daughter to give her time to herself if things got too hard to deal with or she needed alone time. She's been in grief counciling for a few years but she still wears her ring and has told me she can't ever imagine dating again. I talk to her about him frequently and she's gotten to a better place but she's still very much in love with him, I can't imagine that sort of pain.
Over the last two years we've been a more constant figure in each others lives. My kids love their aunt and I have her over for dinner a couple times a week. My daughter and her daughter have become close and love being around each other so they have sleepovers. I've moved on from my ex by this but the idea of dating possibly someone dangerous as their mother has kept me out of the dating scene.
I don't know when it happened, but slowly I began to get soft on my SIL. She's a great mom for what she's had happen to her. She's one of the sweetest people I know and her sense of humor always leaves me laughing and happy. Then I started realizing that I'm physically attracted to her. I've always felt kind guilty about it because her late husband was a good friend and since she's obviously is still grieving, so I've kept it to myself.
Since Covid started we've been together a bit more because social distancing has had us lose contact with most other people. Nothing romantic has ever been discussed and I try not to flirt, but last week it was very late and after the kids went to bed I made us a few drinks, not enough to get drunk but she decided she'd rather spend the night, so I took my couch. I woke up to breakfast this morning and the four of us felt like the sort of family I've always wanted. She even kissed my forehead which is not something she normally does. I still didn't say anything, but after she left I found my son quietly playing with his toys in his room. He looked upset so I asked him if he was alright.
He tells me point blank in the way only a kid can that he wishes Sil was his mother. I sat down with him and asked him why he thought that way and he gave a whole bunch of reasons her being nice to him, that she never yells about anything. He likes seeing her at his grandparents and she draws pictures with him, which I didn't know they did. By the end of it my heart that is already melting for this woman even more wound up.
When visiting dropping them off with their grandparents, I tried to breach the subject with her folks to kinda feel around how people would see. I made a joke about she and I acting like a married couple sometimes and they didn't laugh and were kind of stand offish, friendly but either they know something or they disapprove.
It's getting too hard for me to ignore or pretend it's not getting to me. I'm in love with her. Either I've got to kill it and find some way not to think of her, or I have to find some sort of way to navigate through this situation and tell her everything. If anybody out there has any insight on how to approach a widow, especially one who was married to a friend, with this sort of intention I could really use your help.
TLDR- Sil and I became close after my divorce to her sister and death of her husband. She's great with my kids. I'm in love and don't know how to proceed.
Submitted August 28, 2020 at 06:09PM by ThrowRA0727 https://ift.tt/2EBe41k
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