I (55F) Don't Know How to Voice Discomfort in a Delicate Situation Involving My Husband's (61M) Family

My husband's cousin's wife got diagnosed with breast cancer recently. I'll be referring to her as Elle for ease of understanding.

Elle and her husband live in a small rural town, while we live in a more urban area with really good hospitals. When it came to seeking chemotherapy, they had heard about the quality of the treatments in our city, so my husband's cousin floated the idea to him about getting the chemotherapy procedures and surgery done by a doctor in our city. My husband thought it was a good idea, and he and I offered them to stay over in our home whenever they were in town for chemotherapy, which is every 3 weeks. They stay about 5 days.

The first week they were over, Elle came to me on the verge of tears telling me that her brother and his family were coming over to our house for her first chemotherapy session, which was the following day. She felt bad to tell me on such short notice, but I understood that it's a delicate situation and that her brother is concerned for her. I told her it was no big deal, and they came over the next day. Her brother's family includes his wife and child, so I had my hands full the entire day cooking extra food that I had little time to prepare for and trying to entertain them. They left very late, and since I was tired from all the work, I talked to my husband about telling Elle and her husband to please let us know if someone's coming over with more than a day's notice. He didn't really say anything, and since Elle is in a very delicate situation, I ultimately didn't rock the boat and didn't bring it up again.

This week was Elle's third time coming over, and today was the chemotherapy session. This morning, Elle's brother and his family arrived at our home with no warning. My husband greeted them since I was in the shower, and it was only until I walked out to see everyone having breakfast that I found out they were even here. Elle and her husband told us that it was a very last minute thing, and they were apologetic about it. Elle left for the hospital with her husband, and her brother and family stayed over at our home, since the hospital only allows one other person to accompany the patient.

I was very annoyed at this entire situation. I had to cook for three extra people once again, this time with no preparation, and my husband and I had to entertain them the entire time Elle was at the hospital. On top of everything, I had an appointment that I missed because I didn't feel it was appropriate to leave while they were over and Elle was still in the hospital. They once again left our home very late, and my husband and I are dead tired.

I'm pretty angry and I don't know how to make sure this doesn't happen again. My husband was uncomfortable but I don't think it affected him as much as it did me, and I don't know how to bring up the subject without causing drama with his family or being rude to Elle and/or her brother and his family, especially when they're dealing with breast cancer. I understand the delicacy of their situation but I do not think it's an excuse for them to decide for guests to come over without asking us first, especially people we don't know that well.

Am I being callous for feeling this way when Elle has a life-threatening condition? How can I address this issue?

--- **TL;DR;** : My husband's cousin's wife Elle has breast cancer and she and her husband have been staying at our home during her hospital visits. Her brother and his family came over to the house with no warning and I had to spend extra time and effort today cooking extra and entertaining them, missing an appointment in the process. I want to ask Elle not to invite guests over without our permission, but don't know how to bring it up without being rude, considering her situation.

EDIT: Thanks for your replies everyone. I think I have a better idea of how to board the subject now, I hope it goes okay. Thanks again.

Submitted August 26, 2020 at 09:47PM by throwaway74429826 https://ift.tt/34Csid1