Hello internet, 20f here with 25m boyfriend. This story is going to sound ridiculous but I have no one else to tell, and you can rest assured this isn’t one of those fabricated reddit posts. I’m very in love with this man and we’ve been together for 1 year 8 months, about to move in together (mainly to save money but also the gushy stuff). I was waiting for him to get back to work last night, using his laptop with his permission, when I thought it’d be funny to leave a couple tabs of porn wide open on his laptop to see his reaction. To preface, he definitely looks at porn. Seen it. Talked about it (though he’s very shameful and secretive about it). I try to be mature about it and not care, and I succeed in embracing that he’s a guy with a penis who wants to masturbate sometimes. Oh well. I guess something in me wanted to challenge this shame and that’s why I did this, but I literally google imaged “best pics naked men” or something ridiculous like that, and also went to a porn hub profile (who I don’t know) and went to a picture where he wasn’t even naked. Left it wide open and then when he got home, convinced him to use his laptop as I left the room. It was very deliberate and I 100% don’t masturbate to google images. In hindsight it was all super childish and I will make no excuses. Simply want for amusement and slight curiosity at what the tables turned (me looking at things instead of him) would make him feel. He immediately had a reaction and I was still in the bathroom for half a minute pretending I had no idea, then came in and played coy obviously. He didn’t say much or let on anger, just confusion, so I let it play on for another 30 seconds, obviously trying to gauge his feelings about it, quickly realizing he was disgusted. Then angry. Then asked me to leave, all in quick succession. I told him immediately it was a joke, and how could it otherwise have been so sloppy. He seemed to acknowledge it was a prank, and that only made him more angry, as he was saying “I don’t care. Get out. How could you-Get out. Get the hell out.” He then more or less packed all my things and forced me down three flights of stairs, not aggressively but against my will, and left me on the porch while I was crying and apologizing. After talking to him about it later that night, his anger hadn’t soothed as I tried to tell him how much I care about him and was so sorry I did anything that could’ve been hurtful, that I didn’t intend it, that I thought it would get a lighthearted if not uncomfortable reaction and quickly turn over. Stupid. He said I was defending my actions by saying these things, which he thinks are disgusting. He said I made him feel ashamed and uneasy, though I genuinely didn’t see that coming. Further, he said dragging it out and letting him “sit in it” was cruel. I feel bad about that now, but I let it drag out for just one minute because he wasn’t reacting much. It’s the next morning, I’m at my house and not sure what to do. I regret it and it feels like an angry blurry nightmare. Was I so insensitive? How do I fix this? I don’t think he’s breaking up with me but I’ve never seen him so mad, and I’m scared.
TL/DR: Left porn open on boyfriend’s laptop to see when he got home as a dumb prank. He looks at porn himself, though I definitely wasn’t. Even after telling him it was a prank after a minute, he insisted on me leaving, packed my things, and forced me out yelling all the while. Not sure where to go from here, I didn’t mean to hurt him.
UPDATE: Visited his place to get my work shoes and belt. He didn’t want to see me, and kicked me out again when I knocked on his room door. We ended up texting and he was still furious but said I could come back for a hug but no talking about it. He seemed to ease up on me some during that, but probably mad still no doubt.
Submitted August 29, 2020 at 08:06AM by ohbrotherhowartthou https://ift.tt/3hGZmE6
No comments:
Post a Comment