I recommended a good friend for a job and she was terrible. Should I help her get better or avoid adding to her insecurities?

I (28F) and my friend Julia (29F) both met in university where we studied the same program. We’ve been close friends ever since and have met up several times a year as we both live in different cities.

Recently, I’ve been presented with a freelance opportunity that is extremely lucrative; basically a two-months pay for 10 days of work. My boyfriend (30M) was the one who told me about it as I teach this practice for living (steady job but I’m currently on a month-long holiday) and not to sound awfully conceited, but I’m really good at my job. BF’s boss wanted more than one freelancer so BF asked me if I know other qualified freelancers. This is where Julia comes into play.

Julia has always had great hard skills in our line of work and while I haven’t worked with her in years, I thought it would be a nice opportunity to spend some time together and make extra money. She sent over her CV (5 people applied and the boss made the final decision so it wasn’t my BF’s call) and we both ended up being picked. In theory, it was going to be a great two weeks and we stood to make a lot of money.

Now the issue started on our first day of the job. We were separated into two different teams (my BF was in my team but his CEO knew of our relationship and said it was okay to work together) and by the end of the day, Julia, BF and I went out to dinner (social distance rules were observed). Once we sat down in the restaurant and Julia went to wash her hands, my BF leaned over and whispered that he received negative feedback from Julia’s team regarding her performance. I was shocked because I knew of her skills and they’re good! I asked him to explain further, and he said that he just heard it was awful and he’ll check to see more tomorrow. When I asked Julia about her day, she said she felt like she was rusty and her team was aggressive with her and overshadowed her. My BF knows her team members and said they can be horrible to work with so we let it go for now.

This continued for the first week; by work day 5, Julia’s steam just sidelined her and wouldn’t let her do anything because “every time she tried to do her work, she would screw up so badly someone else had to fix her mistakes so they stopped asking her altogether”. This came from 3 different people on her team.

Over the weekend, my BF told me that Julia’s team had a lot of work left and they requested me. I had worked so efficiently with my team that I almost went through the entire work load in the first week and I had both CEO, CFO, and HR director personally thank me for my work. The CEO said that I should go with the other team and they can do the rest with/without Julia. Monday came, and Julia started working with my BF who had been defending her because he knows how horrible her team members are. End of Monday, Julia reported that it felt much better and less pressure than the first week and she was way more confident and positive. I worked with her team and had to set professional boundaries with a few of them so I experienced their horrible attitude first hand- I thought it was over. BF drops Julia at our place and said that we’ll go get takeout.

The second we rounded the corner, he pulled over and told me how horrible Julia was today. He said while the fundamental skill sets are there and great, her soft skills were so horrible, her entire performance tanked. She stumbled and mixed her terminology, wouldn’t correct anyone who made a mistake, wouldn’t speak to members unless she was spoken to (OPPOSITE of what we have to do) and a long list of Don’ts in our work. In our field, your core skills are important but your delivery and soft skills are more vital to your success. On a scale of 1-10, anything under 7.5 in terms of soft skills renders you useless as an asset to the company. My BF generously (his word) gave her a 5.

After we went home, I tried to address the issues with Julia delicately because she has severe insecurities. When I asked her how she felt about her new team, she said she made some mistakes but found them better than the first. I gave her advice on her problems and stressed the importance of soft skills. I gave her pointers (really things beginners know but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to remind her). I couldn’t outright tell her that she did such a bad job because she will lose all her confidence and honestly would refuse to go back at all violating her contract.

For the remaining week, Julia felt better about herself but her performance was still the same. BF said that the CEO himself commented on her bad soft skills and basically sidelined her in a more polite way. Julia just thought that the workload was lighter and was happy to get paid for basically sitting on her phone for 6 hours every day. We finished the work last week, got paid and she was happy with her stay at our place.

Now this is where I need advice so please help: Julia told me that she wanted to request a LinkedIn recommendation from CEO so she can help build her freelance reputation. My Bf told me that the CEO would unequivocally give her a bad review because while he is polite, he wouldn’t lie! The CEO offered to give me a good review on my LinkedIn account but I told my BF not to so I can tell Julia that they don’t do that/don’t have the time. Should I lie to Julia to spare her feelings? Short of me telling her that she did a terrible job, there’s nothing else left for me to do. She has her own steady job so in my mind, crushing her and just maximizing her insecurities would only force her to withdraw completely. On the other hand, if I don’t tell her, she’ll tank future opportunities. I myself honestly will never recommend her for a job of this magnitude or importance.

Tl;dr I helped my friend get a job but she turned out horrible at it. Now I don’t know if I should be 100% honest with her or let it go as to not add to her severe insecurities

Submitted August 27, 2020 at 09:24AM by undercoverintrovert https://ift.tt/34AHiIh