I know this probably sounds bad, and im probably being selfish, but im very upset because of this realization.
So, ever since i was young its always been some kind of battle or something between me and my mom. I have an older brother [26m] who has never had to (by my knowledge) compete with my mother the way i do.
If i need something, no matter what it is, she always has a better version of it. Both me and her are artists, i paint alot more than her. I would paint maybe one or two times a month, she paints maybe once or twice every 1 or 2 years. When i was younger I'd ask for paint canvases, she'd get huge canvases for her then bring me paint panels. It made me feel so unworthy that for a long time i stopped painting completely. Same thing with brushes or paint. She got oil paint, name brand brushes, easels, everything. I got crayola brushes, apple barrel paint (which isnt that bad) and due to not having a desk i had to paint on the floor or kitchen table. It made me feel so inadequate, that my art isnt something to be proud of.
Art supplies aside, and this is where im actually upset, feminine hygiene/ hygiene products. When i was 9 i started my first period. From then, until my body got messed up due to a traumatic thing happening, i used cheap, cardboard tampons. While my mom used tampax or other brands. She said it was because "shes so sensitive down there" while i struggled to even put the tampon in. It scratched so much. The edges of the cardboard were so so sharp.
Then we look at other things, besides menstruation products, such as toothbrushes, deodorant, underwear, bras, ect. Even right now as i type this, i dont have any underwear. My bra is 2 sizes too small. Im completely out of deodorant. And my current toothbrush is my first toothbrush in maybe 6 years, because my sister in law bought it for me. (My gums hurt and bleed when i brush my teeth)
And finally, clothes/shoes. I have one pair of shoes, 11 pairs of socks i bought with my own money, and all of about 8 or so good, fitting shirts, and about 5 pants and 2 pairs of shorts. My mother has, and these are only the ones on her shoe shelf atm, 9 pairs of shoes, 2 baskets of clothes, a closet full of her "good clothes", and maybe 14 pairs of jeans or so. (Clothes are other pants, shirts, and shorts, etc) (idk about underwear/bras/socks but i know she has plenty)
Then we go to other things, like her guinea pig for example. (He's a single guinea pig because she refuses to get him a brother) She buys all kinds of stuff for her guinea pig, a hay rack, self refilling pellet bowl, litter box, treats, hides, etc. Where my rabbit's dont have pellet bowls and only eat hay/stuff from my garden, their litter boxes are just containers from the dollar tree, and their hay baskets are baskets from the dollar tree. They dont have toys, treats, anything. I make them toys from what i have available around my house.
Im just really upset right now because i feel like she's treating me as less of a person than she is, and her excuse is always "well i work. Im older. Im your mother." Even tho im the one who takes care of the house, animals (yes her guinea pig too), the yard, etc.
Another thing to add; she also betters me at medicine too. She gets herself name brand medicine, i get offbrand stuff that barely works. She brings me to the salon to get her nails done, medi pedi, while i sit there and wait for the long process to end.
TL;DR My mom always buys good stuff for her, and the minimum for me. Including hygiene products, clothes, medicine, etc.
Submitted August 27, 2020 at 04:33PM by Kitkaykay https://ift.tt/32B800E
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