My friend, let’s just call her Monica, and I have been best friends for like 4 years now. We like all the same things from music to shows to food, have similar personalities, and she was even born 9 days before me in the same hospital.
I feel like I need to say this first so, I’m a lesbian, I’ve always been out and open about it so Monica knew about this going into our friendship, and it was never a problem. I also have never harbored any romantic feelings towards Monica and have always seen her as my best friend.
Recently Monica started making jokes with some of our mutual friends about me/her husband, we’ll call him Derek, like “oh she treats my better than Derek” “I should leave him for her” “I think I love her more than I love Derek!” I thought it was funny around friends and just that “I hate my spouse” type of humor at first.
Pre-COVID, Monica and I would hangout out pretty often, maybe a couple of times a week and it would just be us sitting on her couch with her dogs, or going out to lunch, but I could tell Derek would get jealous and would either constantly text her or call her what seemed to be every 30 minutes to see what we were doing. Eventually Derek told Monica she could only hang out with me if he was at work, he was in the military(he’s out now) so he was off weekends and was on base from like 6-6 M-F I think. Monica and I would usually do something every two weeks or so if our days off aligned but Derek would still text Monica the entire time we would hang out. Eventually we got the stay at home orders in March and we didn’t end up seeing each other until June, since they had to go out of town and asked me to watch their dogs. Monica and I saw each other for like 10 minutes before they left and I could tell Derek was being weird around me.
Last month, Monica ended up telling one of our mutual friends that Derek was jealous of me and thought I was trying to steal his wife. I asked Monica about this and she it was true and I asked why Derek thinks I’m trying to steal her when I obviously think of her as a friend. She told me that sometimes if they get into a fight she’ll bring me up just to “scare him” about her leaving him for me. When I explained that using me in that type of context makes me uncomfortable she kept trying to tell me that it was only a joke and that Derek knows I wouldn’t intentionally try to “steal her.” I asked her how long she’s been telling Derek these things and she avoided the questions and we eventually dropped the subject.
Around one week ago one of our friends, A, stayed with Monica and Derek for a week while her apartment was having some type of issues. We all wanted to get together but there wasn’t a good night for me to come over while A was staying there so I had to pass. However Monica, Derek, and A were having drinks the last night A was staying with them and Derek tends to not know his limits when drinking. A called me the next morning and told me that Derek and Monica got into a fight because Derek was going through Monica’s phone while she was in the bathroom. Monica brought me up during the fight and I guess kept saying things along the line of “she wouldn’t try to snoop through my phone!” I called Monica and asked why she brought me up in a fight, despite knowing that it puts me in an uncomfortable position and makes her husband hate me more. She repeated the same things she did the last time we talked about it and told me she won’t do it anymore.
I really do care for my best friend and still want her in my life but I can’t deal with her jealous husband and their exhausting relationship. Is our friendship worth all of this or should I just drop it?
Also throwaway account because I think some of our friends follow this so if you think you know who this is about please don’t say anything.
TLDR; my best friend jokes about leaving her husband for me despite knowing that it makes me uncomfortable.
Submitted August 27, 2020 at 11:37PM by l-throwawayyyyy https://ift.tt/3lk1Ieq
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