My mother(78) and I(42f) always had a difficult relationship. I was an only child and "the fulfillment of her dreams". She gave up her job and was a full-time stay at home mom for about twelve years. She wanted to "enjoy me". She kept me from socialising with other kids, always dragging me along for things she wanted to do. We went skiing, hiking, for nice dinners etc. Icould never have friends over and even though we spent an insane amount of time walking I couldn't have a dog. She would sign me up for sports that I didn't want to do and deny me hobbies I was actually interested in... I could go on and on. My father isn't any better. Meanwhile I'm 42, have two teenagers and am happily married with their father. I have a very good life but the relationship with my parents is still strained. While we're on friendly terms mostly we aren't really close and I didn't make an effort to let her establish a close relationship with my kids. She babysat my first born once or twice but made it all about her again. Didn't let him sleep so she could spend more time enjoying him etc. I didn't let her babysit anylonger as she ignored everything I told her and insisted that I turned out all right therefore what she did was perfect. About a month ago she got a sad diagnosis. She's got lung cancer and it has spread to several spots in her body already. It can't be healed but immune therapy looked promising to stop the progression of the illness. Treatment started last Thursday. On Sunday she had to be admitted to the hospital because her pain started to be unbearable. During this time (about a month) I made sure to call her more often and I went to two important discussions with her doctors at the hospital. This is all I can and am willing to do. I called her at the hospital yesterday to ask about how she was dealing. Understandably, her moral was down. She thinks she's going to die soon. I told her that I was so sorry that she had to go throug this and I cried. The then said "if only you were more interested in me when I was still healthy". That's where I lost it and yelled at her through the phone about what a shitty mother she was, how she made my childhood miserable and so on. I didn't want this to happen. I stopped looking for conflict years ago because it just wasn't leading anywhere. But I'm not letting her tell me how I neglected her while she thinks she did everything right. I didn't call her yesterday because I just don't know how to handle this anymore. I don't want her to die alone but I'm also not going to have her make me feel bad about my choices. I think I need some outside perspective.
TLDR: I told my terminally ill mother what a horrible parent she was and that that's the reason we aren't closer.
Submitted March 03, 2020 at 01:13AM by LynetteScavo78 https://ift.tt/2TiWbc7
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