My wife and I have been married for 9 years and we were together for about 6 before that. We have had a pretty good relationship overall. No children, good lifestyle, fulfilling work, etc.
Backstory: When we met, we were both young indie hipster artists. She was very independent, great at art, made her own clothes and jewelry, played music. Basically the whole 9 yards. Not only did we not care about pop culture, but we actively tiraded against it. She was very much a feminist. One of the biggest things that drew me to her was that she was her own person, and she very much liked what she liked, regardless of what people thought or cared. She didnt need my opinion to validate her. She was very passionate, she lived every minute to the fullest. From our conversations to our sex life to her hobbies.......when she was in it, she was very much in it.
As we grew older our views soften, as do many peoples, and our passions weakened a bit. I play less music myself. At some point (thank god!) we both stopped seeing the need to rant to others about the atrocities of the meat industry, or chide friends for shopping at chain stores instead of local shops. However, i still feel very strongly about many of the fundamentals, like tolerance and acceptance, individualism, and just general passion about life.
My wife however, has found celebrities. Celebrity gossip, talk shows, instagram influencers, etc. Its been gradual over years, it wasnt overnight. She painted less and less, so slowly that it took years to notice that she was barely painting once every 6 months or more. I slowly realized her music instruments were getting played even less. At this point, she checks celebrity sites as soon as she wakes up. During work she gets notifications about who broke up with who, or which reality housewife said something nasty about someone else. In the evening she watches talk shows.
She doesnt seem depressed. She still seems happy, and while her friends have changed, she still seems to have a normal life. She makes a good living, keeps up the house, etc. But im realizing that i dont like the person she has become. Ive noticed recently that she makes comments about peoples weight, or facial features in a negative way, tearing down other women in really petty ways. (my wife 10 years ago would have definitely kicked the shit out of my wife now). She makes fun of her old friends for being losers, or frumpy, or whatever. For being perpetually miserable in their dark loft apartments making sad music for other losers. She has becomes someone who is always involved in the drama of her friends. She has started to treat strangers poorly. Her friends are no longer artist type or whatever.....they have platinum blonde hair and botox lips and a ton of make up. Instead of going to volunteer at soup kitchens like she did before, they sip mimosas and go to meet influencers to take photos. She stares into the mirror and talks about how ugly and fat she is getting. We walk down the candle aisle in the store and i mention that a candle smells weird, and she casually throws out that Gwyneth Paltrow has a candle that smells like her vagina, it seems like everything can be related to a celebrity fact. She has become the girl that takes 150 selfies that all look the exact same. She seems to have stopped accomplishing things personally, and now spends literally hours a day reading and watching celebrities.
I am not interested in any of that. Ive made efforts to hang out with her friends, ive tried to watch celebrity shows with her. But its just not anything i can get into. Quite the opposite actually, i find that whole culture a bit upsetting. It just seems like such a 180 degree turn around from her 10 years ago. We have talked about it at length, but she seems happy in her world there. I know she wishes that I could join in and talk about who Justin Bieber is dating now, but she can tell, even when i try, that its not at all me. I know that people change as they get older, but how can i try to continue on with the love of my life that, as terrible as it is to say now, i dont really like anymore.
tl;dr my feminist artist wife has fundamentally changed like something out of Mean Girls. I love my wife, but i dont like the person she has become. How can i work on moving forward with her.
Submitted February 04, 2020 at 07:41PM by celebritytakeover https://ift.tt/2v3MJji
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