My ex and I (30yo male, 27 yo female) had lots of great sex for most of our relationship. We both have very healthy sex drives, his moreso than mine but healthy regardless. We were adventurous with toys, switching up positions, had lots of extended foreplay. To me it was some of the best sex id ever had. For a long time he agreed.
About nine months into our relationship I had a death in my family and became depressed. For about two months, I'd have sex with him, but I generally wasn't all that interested in it (or anything) This caused a lot of arguments and he would tell me I wasn't meeting his "need" for him or making him happy. He was always frustrated and angry at me for it, threatened to leave me so I decided to make a solid effort in spicing our sex life back up. I tried really hard for the following months and we had lots of great sex, but he was always critical of it from then on.
He would complain if I was only in the mood for a "lazy quickie" and say he needed higher quality. Despite us having that type often (basically every time we were together sometimes multiple times)
One day I was very anxious and said I didn't want to and he proceeded to anyways. I would allow that from time to time to keep the peace. There was another week in the summer where I was sick, on a period from hell, and had a contagious outbreak on my face. Many reasons why I couldn't physically have comfortable sex. He would bring this week up for months.
An acquaintance told me that his need for sex was just as important as any other and that I could try harder. But I found myself always questioning, do I sacrifice my own comfort and needs for his pleasure? I felt like he got a lot of validation from sex and couldn't go without. I on the other hand loved having sex with him but began to resent him for feeling like he didn't respect my boundaries.
Were we just sexually incompatible? Or is it okay to have occasional lulls in your sex life with your partner without worrying about it ruining things? Is it fair to expect someone else to be entirely responsible for meeting a very high need like this for you?
A month ago I caught him cheating, and he left me for the other woman. This question is moreso about my own peace of mind and the blame I sometimes put on myself for not doing enough to meet his needs. I go back and forth from thinking he's a selfish person to "maybe I could have done more."
TLDR: Is it okay to have occasional lulls in your sex life or if you and your partner's sexual needs don't always meet up does that mean you are incompatible?
Submitted October 03, 2019 at 12:42PM by jobediahh https://ift.tt/30JTxwy
No comments:
Post a Comment