Boyfriend keeps seeing, talking to, and lying about girl he used to sleep with and lied about to me

Tl;dr Boyfriend keeps seeing, talking to, and lying about girl he used to sleep with and lied about to me

Boyfriend (M27) and me (F33) have been seeing each on and off for over a year. He moved in less than three weeks ago, and has professed that he is now ready to be in a committed relationship.

Last year, he was sleeping with this girl and lying to me about it. I had asked him on multiple occasions what was going on, and he continued to say nothing. About six months ago he finally told me the truth: that they'd been sleeping together quite consistently at the same time he was hooking up with me. Had I known the truth, I would have called things off between us. He maintains that he did nothing wrong because we weren't in a committed relationship. The only problem is, he accused me of giving him an STI at that same time. I wasn't sleeping with anyone else and he maintained that nor was he. That was patently not true (nor, did it turn out after multiple tests, that either one of us had an STI).

About a week ago, he gets a call. It's the girl. He makes plans to meet her (I'm standing right there; him and I had had plans that night too), and then proceeds to tell me (as I'm visibly freaking out) that they've never stopped talking, and that they're just friends and he wants to remain friends with her. He also claims that he hasn't seen her since he moved back and that he just wants to get it over with because she's been bugging him to hang out. He goes out for coffee with her, ends up going to her dorm room (yes, she's young), and then comes home a few hours later professing that he loves me and is committed to me and, again, there's nothing going on.

It doesn't sit well with me, so this morning, I check his phone (I know, I know, reddit. My bad). Turns out, he had made plans with her and saw her a few days earlier than that night, and he left his watch there. I freak out, we fight, he again professes that he loves me, isn't cheating on me, is proud to be with me, and is 100% committed to me. I believe him, despite my better judgment, but this whole scenario demonstrates to me that he is still willing to deceive me and sneak around. And it really, really doesn't look good for him. I have told him that I think he should cut off his "friendship" with this girl, but he says he wants to remain friends because they're both "crazy" (riiiight...as if there's not enough mental illness going around for everyone).

I don't know what to do. I love him, but I feel disrespected because of his lying and deceit. He is also living with me rent-free because he is a student, has some psychological issues, and is trying to get his life back on track. I am fine with this arrangement -- I agreed to it and, although I'm a student too, I work multiple jobs and make more money than him. The two times we've fought about him seeing / consistently contacting this girl, he makes it seem like it's my fault for not trusting in the sanctity of his newfound commitment.

Help, reddit. There's more to this story, but the fundamental issue is trust. He says I should take him at his word (and gets deeply offended when I don't, saying I'm trying to ruin our relationship), but his word hasn't been trustworthy before.

Submitted February 01, 2019 at 07:12AM by rubberoctopussy http://bit.ly/2RxTvU2