I can’t believe I’m asking for advice on the internet but I’m so dumbfounded by what just occurred and I’m desperate for advice.
Some backstory: My girlfriend and I are both 20 years old, both female, and have been together for a little over a year. Our relationship is wonderful. She’s kind, warm, beautiful, and treats me amazingly well. After a year of fear and worry, she finally came out to her parents this past Thanksgiving. Her father and sister reacted with love and support. Her mother didn’t react negatively, per se, but it wasn’t a positive reaction either, if that makes sense. She kept saying things like “I don’t get this”, “you’re not who you used to be”, etc. I wasn’t sure why she was so afraid to come out, until last night.
Over New Years, I traveled to her hometown and stayed with her family for a few days. Everyone was extremely nice, and I felt very welcomed and comfortable during my stay. We all cooked meals together, went to the beach, and watched movies at night all together. I went home yesterday afternoon, feeling relieved and happy with how things went.
While on the train, I got a text from my girlfriend saying that her mother didn’t say a word to her on the way home from dropping me off at the station, and that they hadn’t spoken since getting home either. Later, she eventually spoke up. “I can’t support it. Simply for the fact that she is a girl. I think she is inherently off limits because she is a girl, just as a married man is off limits because he is married. Even as a friendship, I couldn’t support it. There’s baggage there, and there are some problematic behaviors. You know what they are.”
As soon as I read that my heart broke, and I knew exactly what she meant by “baggage”. It was the only possible thing she could have been referring to. When I was 13, my brother was killed in a car accident. He was driving back up to school after fall break, and he fell asleep at the wheel. It was the single worst event that I’ve ever been through. The seventh anniversary of his death just passed recently, and it’s still very painful for me to this day.
My girlfriend’s mother then went on to blame my parents and me for what happened, calling us all irresponsible. I wouldn’t be nearly as upset if she had just said “I can’t support your relationship because she is a girl.” But to go as far as to attack the most personal and painful part of my past, after having just met me? I don’t even know what to think.
My girlfriend is also quite upset that her mother doesn’t accept her for who she is, and she called me in tears. I don’t know how to feel, or what to think. I’ve known some pretty bad people in my life, but I’ve never seen anybody attack that part of my life, let alone a practical stranger.
Is there anything I could do, or should I just let it go? Am I overreacting? How do I go about encounters with her family in the future?
(tl;dr) My girlfriend’s mother blamed my parents and me for my brother’s untimely death
Submitted January 03, 2019 at 03:07AM by souvenirdeflorence http://bit.ly/2F5aM4a
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