My [26m] girlfriend [26f] expects me to ask her parents for permission to propose, and it's causing problems

The title pretty much sums up everything. My girlfriend and I were recently discussing the future and marriage, we're both very on board with the idea of it. However, she made it clear that she'd "need" me to ask her parents for permission before proposing. I'm entirely uncomfortable with that, and I told her it wouldn't be happening. This upset her and she started saying if I wouldn't ask them then obviously it doesn't mean much to me and I'm not serious about it.

I countered by essentially saying that I felt the exact opposite, that she's an adult and I don't need anyones permission to ask my partner to marry me, that if she cannot say yes on her own then it's indicative of her not being ready for marriage and that I wouldn't feel comfortable entering into a marriage by giving my in-laws that sort of power over my relationship as it sets a bad precedent.

I get along with her parents well enough, but regardless of how well we got along I think asking them permission to marry their daughter is an outdated concept that implies they have authority over her romantic life. I'm asking her to marry me, not them. I told her I'd be willing to talk to them, let them know our future plans and include them in that way but would stop short of asking for permission, but apparently that isn't good enough.

This whole thing is starting to change the way I looked at marriage with her and quite honestly her maturity level as a partner. We both come from the same culture/background so it isn't even a cultural difference. How do we bridge this gap? I understand parental approval is nice, but am I crazy for thinking at the end of the day you need to be comfortable saying yes on your own and the approval of others is secondary?

TL;DR Girlfriend and I cannot agree on the importance of parental approval regarding marriage proposals.

Submitted January 02, 2019 at 08:07AM by LatterPreparation http://bit.ly/2F3jvnp