My (24F) friend (24F) has been living at my parents’ house the last three Christmas and summer vacations and has started becoming real toxic to us.

TLDR; at the bottom.

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My friend (let’s call her Sarah) had a major fight with her father the summer of 2016. She was visiting them while they were moving to another house, and she was against the moving from the start. She called me during an argument with her father, and had me on her headphones when her father was screaming “you are a terrible human being with no social skills, no wonder your friends are dropping you, you will never have any friends and I don’t want you around here. Get out of the house”. Sarah was crying so bad and was devastated, and I was really worried for her well-being, so I called my parents who were living nearby and asked them to pick her up. She has been a close friend of mine since we were 10 years old, and my parents knew her well and were very fond of her. She moved into my old bedroom and got help from her other siblings to pick up the rest of her things.

For info: Sarah is living in another city where she is studying, but has been home for holidays where she has visited some of her family, friends and lived at my parents’ house the last three years. Me and my parents live like 50 meters apart. I would want to have her at my place, but me and my boyfriend live in a really tiny apartment with one small bedroom.

Our first Christmas together was fine. She was sad about her argument with her father and didn’t say much or do much out of herself. The summer of 2017 she spent one week at our parents’ home and wasn’t a burden at all, same with Christmas of 17.

The summer of 2018 it all escalated. She lived at my parents’ house for 6 weeks. During these weeks she would start making spiteful comments, getting in arguments, not helping out in the house or with other stuff. She would make a mess at her room and leave it like that. The room she was sleeping at was also a work-related room and she would occupy it by going to bed 03:00 and waking up at 14:00 not letting my parents use it for work. My parents cooked her dinner every day, cleaned after her every day. She would sit on her phone 6-12 hours and play games or scroll Instagram. What really annoyed my parents was that she never said thank you, never seemed to appreciate them letting her live there. She didn’t even get them a Christmas present or even a Christmas card like they got her a present every year. All the toxic and mean comments from her are the worst. She has an opinion on everything, and if you disagree with her, you are wrong. Every time.

She also has a way of disrespecting people’s time. She is always late to everything, and doesn’t seem to care that we have to wait 20-30 minutes for her every time. Last summer when we were driving her to the airport she was so late to the car that she didn’t make the flight in time. She even got into a big fight with the airport crew as they couldn’t let her through the security that late. They said she could take the next plane. Instead of doing this she got really mean and said a lot of unthoughtful stuff to the airport crew. As well as demanding a lot from them, even though it’s her responsibility being late. They didn’t want to let her order the next plane before apologizing. She refused to apologize and a police officer had to show her out after an hour of arguing. At this point I realized she has always been this way about apologizing to me and others. I have just never been with her long enough to get in these kind of fights with her.

In December she sent me a message: I’m coming 18th December, my flight arrives at 5pm. I’ll be leaving the 7th January.

My family weren’t very happy that she would be at their house for the next three weeks, but they would manage they thought. I somewhat still felt obligated to invite her to us as I felt bad about her not having contacted her family and not spending the Christmas with them.

It’s been a disaster. She gets in a fight about everything. It’s the negative comments about everything that always gets me and my family on our nerves, and even though we have explicitly said that she should keep those comments to herself, it doesn’t help. It’s like she’s going out of her way to make us dislike her. She is saying sarcastic or mean comments about the food, our personalities or our hobbies. My family want her out as she’s taking a lot of space, staying up late in the evening, sleeping late and occupying a room which others need during the day.

I’m feeling really mean to her now when I am starting to see more of her father’s side of the argument. I imagine there were a lot of built up tension from her usual spiteful comments. That perhaps she was saying a lot of negative comments to her dad during the moving in a stressful time. I do not agree with the way he handled it, but getting to know her this close up I don’t think that she handled it well on her side either.

For now I’d like for her to just connect with her family again. Feeling that by letting her stay with us she will never make contact again with her family and resolve it. She has even stated many times that she’s never contacting them again.

I don’t know a polite way to say to her “I no longer want you around, you are being mean to the people who just try to help you”. I don’t want her to hate me and our family like she currently hates her family.

TLDR; My friend has been living with my parents for 9 weeks a year, and she is mean, toxic, ungrateful and I don’t know what to do anymore. My parents are tired and want her out, and we don’t know what to do or what to say to her.

Submitted January 02, 2019 at 08:56AM by CatNeedsAdvice http://bit.ly/2RrnAZ9