My [23f] Husband [23m] is impossible to argue with and questions every decision/preference I have. I'm fed up with it!

Throwaway account just in case, but we've been married for a few months and moved to a new state for his job and away from all of our friends. These are issues that we've been having for a while. But, when your S/O is one of the only people you hang out with all the time, stuff comes up more often. I'm currently employed at a good job as well, but honestly there's no one remotely in my age range or that also share the same life views, so my socializing options are limited. We relocated to a town in the middle of nowhere.

We've been together for almost four years in a happy relationship, But right after we got married, things blew up. In the past, he and I have argued about how it feels like he is constantly hovering over my every decision and never lets my mistakes go, and how it feels like he infantilizes me and makes excuses for why he "is justified in doing those things." Additionally, it infuriates me because it inevitably feels like he thinks I'm incapable of doing things for myself.

How much of this is my own personal bias, I'm not sure. In the past I was hardly ever an angry person, but things that he does in relation to these issues seem to have a trigger switch on me. Now, it's not hard at all for him to make me angry. I still don't get mad easily at other people, it seems to be directed at him.

For background, I come from a controlling home. (Like, I wasn't even allowed to walk down the street by myself until I was a sophomore in high school.) I suffer from depression and low self-confidence as is. I'm his first everything, from first kiss to marriage, so he doesn't have a frame of reference for relationships. He had crushes but never pursued relationships and was always happy with just his friends who also described him as disinterested in romance--until I came along. So I don't doubt he loves me because there's a mountain of evidence for that, but I'm looking for advice about how to address these issues.

He teaches philosophy as his career so as you can imagine, arguing is his life. Everything turns into a philosophical argument, all the way down to defining terms and presenting arguments in a perfectly "if...then" sort of way. I've tried to argue on his terms because in a lot of ways, he's technically "not wrong" that things have to make logical sense. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I just can't argue on his terms. It's exhausting, solves nothing, and leaves us going in circles and he acts frustrated that I can't seen to achieve the perfect philosophical argument to prove my point, therefore I can never be "right." On the other hand, I want to rip my hair out that everything HAS to be taken down to smallest terms. I avoid talking to him about politics or issues I think he won't remotely agree with because I am already preemptively exhausted from the pending go-around it'll bring. I do NOT argue for fun, and I absolutely do NOT EVER find arguing entertaining.

Additionally, it seems like every decision I make is followed with the question: "Are you sure?" in some form. It's gotten to the point that I've had to argue about him about my preferences or about certain aspects of how MY job works. We're not in the same career, but he'll constantly pick at why I don't like something, or if the situation is ACTUALLY the way I describe it. Pardon my language, but it's fucking ridiculous! I can't even explain how legalities and techicnical parts of my own job work without taking the chance that he'll express concern that I'm mistaken about it, even though he has no basis for assuming I would be otherwise, he just assumes!

Or if I don't like something, I'll be questioned constantly as to why I don't like it, which really seems like a roundabout way to just convince me I'm wrong for not liking/wanting to do something.

ex. Why don't I want to join a bible study at a church we barely attend that is comprised of women out of my age range? Oh I don't know, because I'm simply not interested. But for him, he'll constantly argue that "I just haven't tried it!!" And acts indignant when I refuse the offer, as if by refusing this "last bastion of hope" I am now responsible for my own loneliness in this new state that I put my career and life on hold to move to while he works out this step of his career.

It should be noted that I do NONE of these things to him because it's just not in my nature and because I find it so annoying. He knew that when he married me I'm a career-focused woman and I lived on my own, owned all of my own things, and worked to support myself entirely up until we got married while his dad paid for his rent, he occasionally made money doing music, and later he lived with his dad to save money working at the first real job he got out of college. In short, I'm used to making all of my own decisions and I have more life experience than he does, but now everything I do is shrouded in doubt and frustration.

TL;DR Moved to a new state for my husband's career, put mine on hold. Constant interrogation from husband means I feel doubtful about my decisions or preferences, he's impossible to argue with because he insists on philosophical arguments that I can't match.

Submitted January 03, 2019 at 10:39AM by ThrowawayWife12123 http://bit.ly/2ToEVzj