I am quite ashamed of this and am scared to write about it here but I have no one to talk to.
I have been dating John for about 9 months now. He is generally great and very understanding and patient towards me. I do not have a good dating history at all. In my home country, there was circulated a very famous video of me being beaten badly by my old boyfriend when I was 22. I filmed it secretly in order to have proof of my abuses for the police report. It shows my face, his face, and his actions to me very vividly. He beat me repeatedly and very violently and this full video was leaked to shock sites and various gore type sites. People wrote horrible things about me, how I deserved it and more, and people who actually knew me started taking sides. I finished college, graduated, and went to the US for a job opportunity and have not gone back since. I think most people in the US would not have seen this video, or if they have, it was a long time ago and may not recognize me. It is a really big shameful thing to me and I usually like to pretend it doesn't even exist.
Anyway, John found this video of me because I know he looks at gross websites all the time and I guess it is still around. He asked me if that's really me and what's the story of what happened? I told him everything. He said he was disgusted but didn't really elaborate.
This was over the Christmas holiday and since then, John has been very distant towards me. I am very hurt and sad about this. I feel like he thinks I am a damaged person because of what I told him. In the video, my ex boyfriend refers to me cheating on him with another guy but this was his delusion. It was never true. But John has no idea what is truth or not. I am just so hurt right now. He met with me briefly on New Years but we didn't discuss the video and I didn't bring it up either.
I don't want to beg him to talk to me but I also want to know why is being like this. Is he disgusted with me? Scared of me? Why would he get so cold and quiet? What should I do?
TLDR: Boyfriend found old video of me online and asked me what the story was. I told him (around Christmas time) and since then, it feels like he is being distant and weird with me. He and I never really discussed it any further. I feel like he is horrified by it and doesn't want me anymore because I am damaged. Should I confront him about it? Should I let him go to do what he wants to do? Do you think he is disgusted by me? Sorry for my English.
Submitted January 02, 2019 at 01:01PM by lovelycourt http://bit.ly/2Tulsxt
No comments:
Post a Comment